Welcome To My Thursday

It's quite an interesting head trip to run into a blog reader who recognizes me and stops to say hello. Hi Pam! I'll have to take your word for it that not all lawyers are rotten!

Speaking of lawyers, is it typical to receive legal paperwork in the mail that does indeed belong to you but has a cover letter addressed to some other client? I wonder how many cover letters have my name on them but are going to other people?

So far, I like my second lawyer but I'm just looking at it from the perspective of spending a lot of money to get a fairly straight forward process accomplished. I don't want a doctor mixing up my specimens with other patients (which has happened) and I don't want my lawyer sending cover letters with other people's business on them to me and consequently, my business to other people. It's a fairly small operation and there is a chance that it was done by my lawyer and not her office assistant. Either way, I'm really not amused.

I was also not amused to see someone at the gym this morning that I find to be an annoying little, petty man. As my daughter would say, he's a ginger and gingers have no soul. (Guess what, her father was a ginger too.) Because I am an annoying little, petty woman I made sure to adjust all of the equipment as I got off to be about a hundred pounds heavier than what I was really lifting. I have no idea why he felt the need to follow directly after me on each and every machine but either he was amazed at how much weight I was lifting or he was pissed at me for being a bitch. It made me giggle.

I was totally zoned out this morning as I was working out and I ended up doing about a hundred reps on three machines before I figured out that I MIGHT be overdoing it a bit. When I got into work, I went to turn my computer on and I couldn't raise my arms to push the button. I then needed a coworker to help me wipe my nose and we won't even discuss what happened in the bathroom...

As soon as the day is done, I will be taking my kids for Lion's Pancake Day at the DECC. Next to hot sex with oiled down cabanna boys and an eight ball with a pint, Pancake Day is my most favorite vice!

Side note: Is it socially appropriate to announce in public that "I like my coffee like I like my presidents, hot and black"?

Yeah, that's me. Full of piss, vinegar, and coming soon...PANCAKES!!!

Cranky and Lovin' It

This morning I am feeling full of piss and vinegar.

Or at least piss.

Just a sec.

There...that's better.

I went to the Y and worked out for a couple hours and ended up staggering outside and being barely able to lift my arms to open my oh so heavy car door.

It's all good.

I then got home to a letter from STBX which is his lawyer's notification that the application for name change has been served. Just seeing that p.o.s's signature makes me cranky.

CRANKY I TELLS YA.

OK...a little too much testosterone in the air at the cardio center and I am poisoned. POISONED. I'm feeling the need to mark my territory, write my name in the snow, and shoot a small animal.

I took my coffee on the veranda today (white trash illusion: it's a skanky back porch) and as I was sitting very, very still, two squirrels ran up to me and sat about five inches away from my feet as they ate food and chattered away.

Just ignore me squirrels...someday I will eat you.

Take Two

Reboot.

That's what today has been.

I talked to my therapist (individual, not group), on Friday morning and she headed me in the right direction. I have some meds from when I saw my family doc back in January for anxiety and I've been using them a little more than previously. I'm sincerely not interested in anti-depressants at this point because I'm not interested in being a zombie. That's what they do for me and I hate it.

So today was spent in the gym, exercising the demons a little more holistically. A nice long sauna after wards was really relaxing as well.

I then went to Home Depot for a gardening presentation that didn't really tell me anything that I didn't already know but when I entered my name into a drawing, I ended up winning a gigantic peace lily. I'm going to believe that I won because I entered in my "new" name. Had I entered in my stbx's last name, not only would I not have won, I probably would have been hit by a truck in the parking lot.

Yeah, I know...but we all gotta tell ourselves stories to get through the day, right?

I also crawled out of the hole I obviously exist in and went to Earth Exchange over in Superior. Every time I've been by there they have been closed so today was my first time to actually go inside. HOLY COW! It's about damn time this area got a shop like this! Since I'm having a real problem finding food very interesting lately, I sort of keep losing weight even though I'm not trying anymore so I was totally pumped to find two pairs of jeans for a buck a piece.

I then tried to bulk up on Starbucks Coffee Cake and met Mary for a quick book sale. Currently, my son is making manicotti from scratch to go along with some sourdough bread I made this afternoon.

After the criminal case is over, I'll have to share some of the reasons why I took this tentative step off the deep end. Thankfully, I'm treading water for now.

Where The Boys Are

I took the day off work today so I wouldn't have to deal with issues that really seem rather ridiculous in the light of my personal life.

Today needs to be a day of distraction until I leave for the courthouse. I'm leaving for Empty Bowl in less than an hour.

Side note: Am I allowed to sing "Going to the courthouse and I'm geeeeting un-maaaried" as I do a Broadway high kick up the courthouse steps?

Anyway, I went to the YMCA this morning and instead of doing half of my workout by running on the track, I followed all the jar heads and no-necks around on the weightlifting machines. Since we are in mid-blizzard, the exercise center was quiet, except for the hardcore ass kickers and instead of feeling like a turd in a punch bowl, I actually found my new workout com padres quite humorous.

They will never set the weights to zero. They are in a quiet competition with the next person coming along and want everyone to see that they were just at 300 pounds. I silently followed them around, adjusting their settings by a couple hundred pounds and then resetting them back to 300 when I was done. (Yeah beyotches! I totally kick ass in MY WORLD).

The no-necks also try very hard not to be impatient with string bean nerds like me but they tend to congregate like a herd of gnus, eyeing the lion suspiciously. They know that something is amiss. They know that SOMEONE IS PLAYING WITH THEIR TOYS!
They are obviously unimpressed with my bulging biceps that look like I've been bench pressing Kleenex boxes for years. They really just want me to go away.

Which only makes me stay longer.

Which only makes me lift heavier weights.

Which only makes me up my reps.

Now, as I sit at home, post shower, I sincerely think I need my head examined. This keyboard tray is really, really heavy. Scratch my nose? If I only could!

But I suppose if I can't drag my hands out of my pockets, I won't have the ability to put them around anyone's neck.

Once more, society is saved from my wrath. Or at least one member of society.

And 1 And 2 And 3 And 4

After taking a shower and settling down for the evening last night, I realized there was no settling down for the evening last night.

Since I reached my goal weight, I've been concentrating a lot more on strengthening exercises so I did a hundred sit ups. And then settled down for the evening.

Alas. That lasted for about five minutes. So I did some push ups. And some stretches. And some made up Yoga poses that I think I will name "Downward facing dog which cannot reach weapons of choice in this position". Another pose I have perfected is a little number I will call "Sweet Merciful Christ, did you hear that popping sound?"

Of course, that didn't work either. It took some major time on the glider before my muscles felt like jello and I was able to concede that I was too tired for violence. Once I've worked out until I want to vomit, I feel I am no longer a threat to society.

I kind of think that's how Ghandi got so thin and serene. It might explain his mysterious rant "Pilates my ass!"

When my daughter asked what I was listening while working out and I told her Marilyn Manson, Linkin Park, and MCR, she confirmed that "that is some angry shit." I really need to research whether busting ass on the glider while sobbing uncontrollably makes you burn more calories or just rusts the equipment. It certainly doesn't get anymore appealing than ending your work out covered in sweat, tears, and snot.

So, this morning I'm pretty much tapped out. I started drinking coffee at 3:30 am and hopefully when 6:30 rolls around, I'll be all bright tailed and bushy eyed for work.

I'm guessing by 10 am I'll be asleep on my keyboard and my drool will cause a short circuit.

If anyone comes in to me with their problems today, I will be tempted to discuss, in great detail, how I have developed a damn rug burn on my tailbone from doing too many sit ups. Perhaps I'll even show them.

Perhaps today would be a good day for my divorce lawyer to call and tell me what STBX's major issues are. I'm feeling pretty laid back. Pretty serene. Pretty delusional from exhaustion.

I'll also be able to tell her that due to an overabundance of sit ups, STBX is no longer the only pain in the ass that I'm contending with.

Kate Winslett, Eat Your Heart Out

Once again, let me state, I have wonderful friends!

There, just had to make sure I said that up front.

This weekend was an odd mix of being sick with a rotten cold and my attempts to deny it. I've been wanting to start a training program for newbie runners but when it's cold I use that as an excuse to stay in the house and work out on my glider. I was hoping that the warmer weather this weekend would inspire me to get started but then I woke up with fifty pounds of snot in my head.

I also had public rink time written down for the Heritage Center indoor ice rink and I figured I would do a little ice skating there.

I can sense that spring is coming and I'm getting antsy.

Instead of all of the above, I woke up Sunday morning and read on Perfect Duluth Day that there was access to skating on Lake Superior and at 7 am I was gone. Ice conditions were better than at Portman Rec Center and I think the City of Duluth should hire Mother Nature as their ice tender.

All I can say is that skating against the headwind toward the lift bridge for awhile and then flipping around, holding out your arms like a sail, and letting the wind propel you on a crazy assed nature ride was a blast. It was also therapeutic, at this precise moment, to scream my soon-to-be-ex-husband's name followed by a wooping "FUCK YOU!"

I'm gonna bet that the ice fisherman were entertained as well.

A Rather Long Walk In The Woods

Three days post hike and I finally can rest my hands in my lap without wincing.

Thigh muscles? Who knew I had them! I thought I was just like a Cadbury Egg, crusty and hard on the outside but actually filled with an obnoxious substance that you think is good in the beginning but as you continue to sample it, it strikes you that it really tastes like like the puke of a thousand angels.

But apparantly, I have muscles.

Also, the Superior Hiking Trail near my house where I was hiking in preparation, is relatively flat. Of course, I didn't think it was until I started hiking around Spirit Mountain and scrambling up rocks. What's so funny is that ANYONE who has ever done ANYTHING like this will, at this point, roll their eyes and say "WUSS!"

They would be right too.

I suppose we all have to start somewhere though. I remember several first times in my life that were less than steller. I believe the first time I knit anything it was with size 15 needles and baby weight yarn. Yeah, it was kind of like a mackeral net as opposed to the baby blanket that I was aiming at. It could have been useful for holding out and running through a daycare center, trying to trap as many babies in 30 seconds as possible which, when you think about it, would be really funny. (I have an alternate career writing game shows for Japanese television).

The folks that sponsored the hike were great though. Technically, people were supposed to go at least 2.5 miles an hour but I ended up just below that. No one threw me out or made me quit and I ended up doing 16.7 miles in 7 hours. I'll admit that there were quite a few times when my lack of depth perception made me stop and wonder how in the hell to go down some rocky trails. When I go down a flight of stairs, I can hang onto something but funnily enough, that's not always an option in nature. I do recall a couple of times starting my decent and saying to myself "I don't have health insurance and if I break a leg, it will be a lot cheaper just to cover myself up in leaves and let nature take its course."

I'm all about survival of the fittest and from where I'm standing at the back of the pack, the fittest one is that guy with the stringy legs and the form fitting running shorts.

There were quite a few spectacular views and I finally broke down two thirds of the way through and stopped to take a couple photos of the beautiful fall colors. I just sort of snapped the photos, tossed my camera in my bag, and kept on going. It wasn't until I got home that I realized my daughter had the camera on black and white. Instead of getting a picture of myself standing on a rocky cliff with a gorgeous autumnal display behind me, I ended up with a black and white dystopian photograph of the last person on earth, living a hard scrabble life on a rocky cliff overlooking an unforgiving wilderness. That physically fit guy in the running shorts that was once so far out in front?

Deeeeee-licious!