Shameless Consumerism

My copy of Children of Earth has arrived.

After watching it on my Ipod, I knew I needed a copy of it so I could lend it to my friends.

And then drive them crazy with discussing it.

It still breaks my heart.

Too Much Honesty Makes The Eyes Bleed

I told my kids that they didn't have to worry about me hooking up with someone at this delicate juncture of our lives. Yes, I have gone out a few times with a friend who just happens to have the opposing teams equipment, but I know I have a lot of work to do on my own head before I get involved in a real relationship.

I've seen too many divorced women swinging from one rotten relationship to the next, searching for ....what? They keep getting hurt and they never stop long enough to put themselves on the proverbial shrinks couch and learn about themselves first.

But when I made some smart ass comment about being a MILF, my daughter gave me the look. "Yeah, all those Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter audio CD's piled up next to your bed make you a real prized catch. Maybe you could even get a Doctor Who night light to set the mood..."

Ouch.

But seriously? Kinda funny too.

She has a point.

I have two sources of literary entertainment on a daily basis. I read personal ads and I read obituaries. Really, they aren't that different. Both are trying to sell the reader on the merits of the person in question. It's just that one has the potential to have a future. Notice, I said potential...

The whole format of personal ads is screwed up. I can't sum up my wants and needs in 2000 words, let alone 20.

It would have to be something like this:

Soon to be single white female in search of something. This might be a relationship. This might be a friendship. If all the stars align, it might be both.

I have children. They are the most important thing in my life. You will not have seniority. You need to realize this. If you have a problem with it, take it to the Union President which would be...me.

I am not here to be your mother. I will not make your doctor appointments. I will not pick up your dirty underwear. I will not pick up your toenail clippings from the bathroom floor. (Well, I might do it because it is DES-GUST-TING and every time I see it, I will seeth with anger. Please use the garbage can damnit! God! I hate you already!)

ahem...

I would love to go camping, canoeing and hiking with you. I would love to learn about new hobbies that you are interested in. Please know that I will ask questions and want to understand things, except if we are talking about NASCAR. If you like NASCAR please stop reading and return to your trailer now, there is nothing more for you to see.

I like to cook for people that I care about. I also like people to cook for me. Note: "Cooking for me" does not involve calling out for pizza.

I'd like someone to talk to but not in an onerous way. You don't have to be my "girlfriend", I have plenty of those. Just tell me your hopes, your dreams, your successes, your failures, how your day went, what you want for dinner, and what you want to do on the weekend.

In other words, let's act like we give a damn about each other. Hey, maybe we won't be acting! Maybe we really will care!

Know that I will never wrap my life around another individual, ever. I spent 17 years shrugging my shoulders and saying things like "Oh, I don't care where we live". You know where that got me? In the middle of fucking Oklahoma with no one to talk to but the neighbor's pig. I have a plan in my head regarding where I will live and what I will do. I will not equivocate anymore.

Note that I am not a creature of culture. I do not care about "important" people's lives. I do, however, have a little fantasy world in my head that involves Time Lords and certain fictitious characters. Know that the seperation between Time Lords and fictitious characters was intentional. When a little blue box lands on my front lawn and a good looking man steps out and asks if I want to go for a ride, you can bet our relationship will be over. It's been real but let's face it...your old beater Chevy ain't got nothing on this guy.

As much as I would like us to have mutual interests, I would also hope that we can do things seperately as well. I don't need you hanging off my 24/7. I will go to the yarn store and knit. Please feel free to have your own "thing". Unless it involves NASCAR. Or online gaming.

There will be no online gaming. Get over it.

Perhaps the most important thing to realize is that I have some rotten shit to get over. I'm working on it. I'm working hard on it. But it makes me not trust people. It makes me think, on a daily basis, that 99.9% of the human race is out to cut my throat. There are times when I will revert back to the self of the past 17 years. I will be the long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs. Like I said, I'm working on it.

I do have some rather strong values. I value honesty. As anyone who has read this blog knows, I can be painfully honest. I don't play mind games and I don't go for vengeful bitchery. I do believe in justice though and I will beat my head against the wall until I get it or I pass out.

I value respect. Over the past year, I have learned one thing the hard way. I will give as much respect as I get. For sixteen years, I gave respect and got nothing in return. Guess what? It's not a healthy lifestyle.

I also value empathy. Not sympathy. Empathy. The ability of one human being to put themselves in another's shoes and learn from the experience. Sometimes, it's learning things that you don't want to learn.

Also note this: I am not a girly girl. I don't mind getting dirty. I don't cry alot. I don't get all mushy and weepy. It doesn't mean that you can't melt my heart with a little kindness. Flowers? Chocolate? Putting the fucking toilet seat down when you get done peeing? It's all good.

Yeah. So that would be me.

Now that I read this through I think I will invest in that Doctor Who night light. I think I'm going to be alone for quite some time...

An Evening Alone

My goodness. I find myself all by myself.

The kids are off having fun and I have some time to myself.

Do I break out the Scotch? The martini shaker? Do I call a cute boy I know?

Nah!

It's time to ferret around in the cupboard for that hidden Hershey bar from three months ago and break out the Classic Doctor Who!

Yes it's cheeseball compared to the new series. Wonderfully cheeseball. A concept my kids fail to grasp.

Now if only all the Buffy episodes hadn't been wiped from my Ipod when it had a seizure last week, I'd be in heaven!

Every Relationship Needs A Bit Of Healthy Mystery

You know the best part about watching the Star Trek movie with an old Trekkie?

All the inside bits that my kids didn't get, he did.

From a young Bones declaring how much he liked Spock, to the young Spock raising a single eyebrow, to a young Kirk squaring his jaw, readying for battle and of course, Scotty "Giving it all she's got". Even seeing the Kobyashi Maru scenario played out was a blast.

And I realized during the GI Joe trailer that Destro is none other than the 8th Doctor.

Oh yeah. I got to fly the flag for nerds everywhere today. I told my guy friend that I would agree to see GI Joe not because I wanted to go to another movie with him but only because I wanted to see The Doctor KICK SOME ASS AND BLOW SHIT UP.

I haven't told him that we're going to CONvergence over July 4th weekend. This Independence Day will hopefully REALLY be an Independence Day for us with the sentencing completed, the name change in place, and if we're golden, the divorce over and done with. I'll just let him know that I'll be down in the cities with my kids, having fun over the long weekend.

I won't tell him that I'll be sculpting my hair, wearing a pinstripe brown suit, and keeping my old stethoscope in my pocket. My name on my ID badge? Christina Harkness of course!





Yeah.

Cross dressing as a Time Lord?

Probably a secret best left for the future.

Is It Blasphemous To Eat A Time Lord?

The dogs ate one of my Doctor Who Dvd's.

Season one, disc three.

I am currently cradling it in my hands, waiting for it to regenerate.

It Doesn't Help To Be Filled With All This Venom

A lifetime of bladder issues combined with a lifetime of antibiotics was bound to converge on this exact point in space and time.

(Watched the new Doctor Who last night...gotta frame everything in both space AND time.)

I'm stuck in the no man's land of an intractable bladder infection with allergies to twelve different antibiotics and antibiotic resistance up the wazoo. (Yes, that is indeed where your wazoo is.) Years ago I was down to two different antibiotics that I could safely take. Then one of them stopped working.

So, I've been clinging like grim death to my last lifeline. For the longest time, I didn't have infections. We're talking years and years. Now, over the past 6 months, I've gotten an infection every 6 weeks like clockwork.

Hmmmm. Kinda makes you think it's not going away, doesn't it?

I have no idea why I'm suddenly getting infections. The only thing I've changed body-wise is my weight. And my crappy diet.

Do McDonald's Egg McMuffins actually fight bladder infections? I'm willing to take one for the team if that's the case.

Lay all this wonderfulness on top of not having health insurance.

And having no money.

It's amusing to see the look on the doctor's faces when they hear some of my troubleshooting ideas. I'm quickly approaching the point of IV antibiotics which means that they want to put me in the hospital. My cost saving measure? Throw a port in my arm and give me the damn meds to take home and administer to myself. I've worked as a paramedic, I've given myself injections for migraines, and I've got more pain in my wallet right now than I'll EVER have in my body.

They were less than thrilled with that solution. They countered with trying an antibiotic that is close enough to penicillin that I might have a reaction. Since I sort of swell up and stop breathing with penicillin, they wanted me to come into the ER and lay my little self next to a crash cart before they would give it to me. My cost saving measure? Call the prescription into Walgreens and I'll bring it into the ER waiting room myself. I will sit myself amidst the horrible daytime television and the screaming babies and I will take the pill and I will wait a couple of hours and see if I feel like dying.

What I didn't mention with that last plan is that I took penicillin every single day for eight years before I reacted. Yeah, those are just minor details.

I'm on my second run of antibiotics, actually, I just finished my second run. I've been barfy and achy and totally icky for the last week because the med Gods hate me. Then, this morning I woke at 2 a.m and felt like certain parts of my anatomy were insistent upon exiting my body through the nearest orifice.

Back to square one. I HATE SQUARE ONE!

Perhaps the sweetest thing was that my new guy friend (Do I call him NGF? It sure beats STBX) brought over some cranberry juice to make me feel better. Unfortunately, I can't drink it because the acidity SCREWS WITH MY BLADDER.

Yeah, I feel it's always best to let them know you are high maintenance. Break any illusions that a friendship with you will be a walk in the park.

But the thought was much appreciated.

So, here I sit, waiting to hear from the docs. If need be, I'm willing to do the home cure thing and take a steak knife, remove my bladder, and replace it with a ziplock bag and a bendy straw.

I'm guessing that they won't go for that either.

The Obama's Are The Enemies Of The Daaaaaleks!!!!

Was I the only one who thought this???

Perhaps I should just be a drag king?

A few years ago I had someone tell me, in all honesty, that I looked like Harry Potter. With boobs.
















Since then, I've lost weight and changed my glasses. Today I got my hair cut and made all spikey and such.

I came home to have both of my kids tell me that now I look like David Tennant as Doctor Who. With boobs.





















Time Lord Boobs!

All I Ever Needed In Life, I Learned From Dr. Who

I guess it's because I know I'm leaving for four days next week but this week flew by incredibly fast and was hardly crazy-making at all. I must admit, the stress levels at work over the past few weeks have really been obnoxious but things eased up enough this week so that I could actually plow through the paper blizzard that was my desk.

I even had enough time to spontaneously develop a mental challenge for myself. What's more, it's a mental challenge that makes me all happy and shiny inside.

I've professed my love of Doctor Who before, it was my quirky favorite show growing up and since it's come back, I've been able to geek out with my kids. I've even rented old episodes for them to watch but unfortunately, they're a little too "modern" for that whole "willing suspension of disbelief" that comes with paper mache sets and rubber wet suit monsters.

Alas, at least we have the new series to geek over. Anyway, at work I am the go-to person when anything, and I mean anything, breaks. Computers? Copiers? Vans? Roofs? Arms? Legs? I am the BREAK DOWN QUEEN.

Usually I don't mind, but occasionally I get a little frustrated when people only need to rub two brain cells together before they open their mouth and all would be well.

So when we had a power outage in our building and one of the technically challenged employees flipped tits because she COULDN'T GET ONTO THE INTERNET WITHIN TWO SECONDS OF POWER RESTORATION and yelled over the wall in a freaked out voice about how I needed to FIX IT, for some reason I just quoted my favorite ass kickin' female from the new series and told her "It's just a blip in the command flow..." I literally froze and covered my mouth, staring up at the top of the wall seperating our offices. I hadn't really meant to say it out loud but what's even funnier is that she said "Oh really??" And by the time she got that out of her mouth, the internet was back up. Now, if only I can get a pair of handcuffs and a screwdriver.



So, the challenge is to use as many quotes from Doctor Who in real life situations as posible. It's even more fun when you can actually say them to a fan and they get this odd flicker of recognition across their face but of course, they'd never ask if you...you know...had a doctor in your life. (or a tardis on your desk...)

This evening, when I took my son to Russian lessons at St. Scholastica, I wanted to do something productive for an hour and I figured that there must be some sort of hiking trail on campus. I went to a Catholic college in Michigan that had a nunnery and we had hiking trails so I put two and two together and came up with Jesus, in the woods, with a crucifix. I was not disappointed.

As it started to snow in the lovely gloaming and I came to a marble staircase in the woods, I grabbed my Ipod and put it on repeat. For an hour, I walked and jogged through the woods to the most heartbreakingly sad song I can think of.





When I got home, I was explaining to my kids what I had done and they couldn't believe that this could have been a good idea. I tried to explain how beautiful the snow falling in the woods was and how wonderfully sad and poetic it was. When they were convinced that I had lost my mind, I told them that "sad is happy, for deep people."