Wednesday, August 16, 2006

My co-worker, the ax murderer

How do you know an ax murderer if he leaves his ax at home?
I work in a terribly small office. When everyone is here, there are five people. Sometimes, I am the only person.

We have a temporary employee that I suspect may be a closet ax murderer. I mean, I haven’t seen any body parts and he hasn’t been tracking bloody footprints on the carpet, but there is a decided unsettling quality about him.

First of all, he is a physics major. You know they are always up to no good, what with bending our minds in unnatural planes of space and time.

Second, he comes in a few minutes early every morning and sits at the table in the “commons area” that is just a few feet away from my desk. And then he watches. Every. Move. I. Make.

Now if I were young, thin, and even mildy attractive, I might find this flattering in an “Oh my God, this really weird guy is looking at me” way but I have none of these qualities and I find it unnerving. There is an unstated tension that conveys the message
“If I split her skull and remove the succulent innards, I could serve it with a sassy little red wine and a light garden salad.”

When he came in today I took the bull by the horns and gave him a cheery “hello!” I actually received an animal like growl in reply. He then proceeded to sit down and stare at me for five minutes before disappearing into his office.

“It puts the lotion on its skin…”

I just hope he doesn't see the display in the window of MN Surplus near our office.

No comments: