A Lance For The Soul

There is a preternatural calm about me today. I have not felt this much at ease, centered, or relaxed since December 19th.

I knew I wanted a tattoo. I knew that I was determined to focus my mind on all of the crap in my life as I was getting it. I knew that, as I was being carved up like a thanksgiving turkey, I would visualize all the negative energy escaping through the wounds in my skin. I wanted this to be more than just a tattoo. I wanted it to be a ritual scarification.

My mind is now clear. The anger that was burning me to ashes is no longer in the center of my soul. It’s a bright red flame that I can now carry in my hands. I can hold it when I need to. I can place it on the ground when it gets too hot. I can walk away when it becomes too much. I can warm my hands with its heat without becoming consumed.

I am now in control of it.

I am so happy that I chose this illustration to carry with me for the rest of my life. I just met up with our PAVSA advocate and I told her I wanted to show her my tattoo. As I explained it, before showing her my back, she got a brilliant smile on her face. I showed her my back and then she turned around and showed me hers.

She has many illustrations from Alice in Wonderland all over her back. From the Cheshire Cat in the forest to the Queen of Heart’s castle and many things in between.

Life is such an interesting journey.

Read My Back

Instead of having the omnibus hearing today, I worked through to the end of the day and then my daughter and I went to an important appointment for me.

I wondered if I dared post this because I know what some people will say...I shouldn't have spent the money on it. Well, after spending our tax refund on getting the walls fixed and a new hot water heater, I decided a little mental health treat was in order for the last bit.

I've wanted a tattoo for years. YEARS! It was something that everyone in my entire life was against. From teen years to adulthood, everyone that had any kind of a stake in it was OPPOSED.

I think within a week or so of my life hitting the fan, I told my daughter that at least I knew one thing for certain...NOW I WOULD GET A TATTOO.

It took quite a long time to figure out what I wanted. I watched enough episodes of Miami Ink to know that I didn't want something that was too self explanatory. I wanted a little mystery. I wanted something that someone could admire without having to ask for the back story but something that could adequately illustrate my life over the past three months.

About a month ago, it hit me. I remembered the scene from the original book of Alice in Wonderland, a book in which I LOVE the illustrations.

Alice meets the Cheshire Cat and asks him which road she should take. He asks her where she wants to go. She tells him she doesn't know and so he responds, "Well then, any road will take you there."

I'm at a crossroads. I'm lost in the woods. I'm looking for someone to help me and meeting nothing but oddballs and weirdos. Well, I guess that means I'll need to find my own way...



(It's about an hour old in this photo)


I also learned, in this Alice journey, that Lewis Carroll wrote the Alice stories about his six year old neighbor girl. A girl that he had a less than wholesome fascination with.

Rumor has it though, he only ended up writing stories about her and writing about his desires in his personal diaries. Hmmmm. Perhaps he made a choice, kind of like Alice does in the forest. He chose not to be a pedophile.

Wow. Choices....

Well, that my dearies, is what my tattoo is saying for me.