Monday, December 04, 2006

There will be no full frontal nudity

I haven’t told anyone this yet but there is a list that I keep in my head of events that I hope to someday witness on the DTA. Please note that I do not mean “events that I hope to have happen to me on the DTA”. I’m all about passive entertainment.

I bring up this list only because last Friday I was witness to a full fledged accidental mooning. Not only was there a naked ass on the DTA but this naked ass was about two feet from my face. A passenger stood up and his pants fell down. He didn’t seem to notice and he managed to walk down the aisle and get off the bus. I must say that this was more entertaining than when I was personally urinated upon, funnier than when the person behind me sneezed a loogie into my hair, and it was delightfully less odiferous than the puking drunk in the heat of summer.

So, back to the list.

Events which I hope to witness on the DTA

1. Religious ceremony that involve the ritualistic sacrifice of a goat.
2. A transit wide book discussion on “The Lord of the Flies”. Not only will there be an oral discussion but there will also be a practical demonstration using the observable actions of those around us. The boars head will be mounted on the machine that takes your fare.
3. Interpretive dance
4. Someone concluding their conversation with their traveling companion by saying “So you see, that’s what quantum physics is all about!”
5. The use of the ever so modern implement known as “the Kleenex”
6. A boxing event between the stinky drunk man and the stinky angry man. Bets will be placed. The winner will be stinky.
7. and last but not least, immaculate conception. Why immaculate conception you ask? Cuz I’d love to see a virgin and three wise men on the DTA.

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