Now there are, at times, a wee bit of exaggerating going on around here but amongst my random thought today are a few honest to goodness things that have fallen out of my mouth over the past week or so. I have an amazing tendency to speak before I think and an unquenchable thirst for the smart ass comment. This is a deadly combination when one is forced to work amongst adults that try to act, well, like adults.
To my chiropractor, who has been the best bonecracker I have ever been to, upon my visit when the base of my skull seemed to be inflamed and I was positive my brain was leaking out through my spinal canal: “I think I broke my head hole”
To my orthopedist whom I visited today with my multiple trigger-finger condition “Yes, it is uncomfortable, but what really hurts is when I shoot the webs out of my wrists when I’m chasing the bad guys”. (personal observation: a person with multiple trigger-fingers should get an honorary membership in the NRA and a really, really big gun…)
To the UPS man (who is so good looking that I would happily tell him what “Brown” could do for me) who walked into my office after having shaved off his beautiful dark brown hair: “Oh my God, global warming is even effecting the UPS carriers! You’ve molted!”
Thankfully a few things do get caught somewhere in the faulty idiot-net that is lodged in my cerebrum.
When I stood in line at the doctor’s office and I noticed that one corner of the reception area was a veritable shrine to George Clooney and then, upon asking who was the primary worshipper at the shrine, found out that it belonged to a forty-something overweight female with big hair, I didn’t say “Get laid much?” I didn’t say “High school was over two decades ago, it’s time to clean the pictures out of your locker”, and I didn’t say “When was the last time you did an honest assessment of your personal life?” What I did say was, “Niiiiiiiiccce…..”