Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The real reason whales are endangered

There are times when knitting inspiration strikes and I really would love to know why.

I think I get most of my ideas while riding the bus. I have an odd habit of looking at things and wondering how I would knit them. It’s really just a mental exercise to amuse myself, but occasionally it gives me ideas like my medusa hat.

I really did sit down and sketch out how I would knit the Tardis but I wouldn’t be happy with it unless I could knit it on small needles so I think I will pass on it for now.

Another thing that I have had rolling around in my head for quite awhile is either a knitted coral reef, which actually has been done, or a knitted/felted pod of whales. Of course, I don’t want to do just any pod of whales (I just typed “Wales”, what would a pod of Wales look like?), I would need a multi-ethnic (multi-species?) pod of whales. Of course I would need to knit an Orca

because they are beautiful,

and I would need to knit a Narwhal

because they are weird,

and a Beluga

because they are funny,

and my favorite has always been the Humpback.

I would also have to knit a Sperm whale

because they are disturbing and you can’t knit a Sperm whale without knitting its arch nemesis,

the giant Squid.

I would then have to knit the Bowhead Right Whale

because they are sad and endangered

and because I am an American, I would have to knit the Blue Whale,


and speaking of biggest, I’d probably have to knit a Whale Shark

because it’s the BIGGEST DAMN FISH IN THE SEA, and if I knit a Whale Shark, I’d have to knit the requisite tiny scuba diver hitching a ride on its back.

Of course with all the whales, I’d have to knit some tiny, tiny krill

and perhaps adorn the whales with some crocheted barnacles.

Along with my pod of whales I would of course have to knit them an ocean home which would include jellyfish, sharks, smaller beautifully colored fish, and perhaps some stray abandoned fishing nets for a pointed political statement.

But where can I display all of this?! Of course, I will have to check into renting some space and I’ll have to figure out how to hang my pod from the ceiling

just like that display of the blue whale at the Smithsonian. Hey! I could even knit a small Alvin submarine!

As all of these thoughts are spiraling through my head, I can only imagine the thick string of drool hanging from the corner of my mouth.

I am the Homer Simpson “Dooooughnuts” of the knitting world. I get fantastic thoughts running through my head but if you looked at me, you’d think I just had a stroke.

So, when the bus dropped me off at my street I ran into the house, ditched the coat, ditched the purse, ditched the mittens, and then looked for a pen and paper.

Forty five minutes later I still hadn’t found the pen and paper but by that time the kids were home and everyone was hungry and it wasn't until three o’clock in the morning that I sat bolt upright in bed with the horrifying thought…

How would I knit their blowholes????

Ah, screw it. I’m going back to sleep.


Oh crap!
There's that little niggling voice.

Hey! What if you knit all of the whales hollow? And then knitted all of their internal organs!

1 comment:

Knitting Momma said...

I think there's a pattern for a womb somewhere out there on the 'net, so you'd be good to go for one set of reproductive organs. The real challenge, of course, would be knitting a life-sized whale, complete with internal organs. Maybe the female whale would have a baby whale inside her life-sized womb? Hmmmm???

That said, when you mentioned knitting Wales, I tried to imagine a knitted version of Prince Charles and failed. Prince William, however, I would love to see knitted and life-sized.