Tuesday, February 13, 2007


Two days of intense drudgery at work.

Must escape into dreamlike torpor in order to maintain sanity…

My husband, daughter, and I went to see Pan’s Labyrinth on Sunday. Very good but desperately sad. We left the theater and didn’t utter a word to each other for about a half an hour.

When we did start discussing it, I was somewhat amazed and intrigued to get their differing opinions on it. I wanted to go home and curl in a ball and have the world pass me by for approximately four and a half years. I saw it as a child in a desperately sad situation with a fantastical ending which was all in her imagination and so, it really didn’t happen. In other words, a sad story with a sad ending.

My husband took a different tack and saw the ending as a continuation of her spirit which, when you think about it, is not as sad as it could have been. This is amazing to me as my husband is definitely the more pessimistic of the two of us. He is affectionately known as “Eeyore” to a friend of mine. He said that perhaps it was his mother’s recent death that made him feel this way. It’s his time to believe in the continuation of the spirit.

I can understand that. I saw the movie “Always” right after my mother died. I was the only female in a merchant marine academy class and it just hit a little too close to home. I can’t say that I ever thought about her spirit carrying on, after her death, I just found myself standing by the side of the road with WAY to much baggage. I left the theater in a daze and to this day, I cringe whenever I see that movie on t.v.

Which brings us to tomorrow. Tomorrow, for many people, is Valentine’s Day. A day that proves to many how much they are loved and a day to prove to other’s just how much they aren’t. I despise Valentine’s Day in the same way that I despise Mother’s Day. If you really value me as a wife/mother, you’d better show it a little more than one day a year.

Tomorrow is also the anniversary of my mother’s death. She died on Valentine’s Day when I was involved in a horrible and destructive relationship. Want to talk about a Hallmark Card for that occasion? Nothing like feeling suicidal on Valentine’s Day but vacillating over which topic was actually the cause of your eventual demise. The fortunate thing is that when you are incredibly depressed, you tire easily. Trying to decide on why I wanted to commit suicide took so long that I eventually took my head out of the oven and made a pizza.

That was one good pizza.