I Had A 100 Pound Tumor

Free previews on the telly can lead to all sorts of family bonding experiences.
We have access to the Discovery Health Channel which, I can only imagine, supports the fantasies and hystronics of millions of hypochondriacs.

But I don't know if they were really intending for people to watch the show "Mystery Diagnosis" as if it were a game show. My kids and I started shouting out what we thought the diagnosis was just minutes into the show.

And who is the camera person on this show? I can hear them talking to the director saying "This show isn't about drama, this show is about DRAMA! And what better way to convey drama than to do sudden cuts to the patient's eyes after they finish speaking...wait...wait...let's do the same thing for the patient's spouse...and their parents...and their doctor...and for the nursing assistant that emptied their bedpan!"

Perhaps it is the fact that my cold withered heart has not had an ounce of compassion for melodrama since I was eight years old but when a weepy woman talks about her excruciating intestinal pain, diarhea, and nausea that she has been suffering with FOR 13 YEARS and then, horror of all horror, she finds out that she has a tumor, well I have to wonder how many trips she took on the short bus. Obviously, the bus didn't go by the doctor's office.

This show should not be called "Mystery Diagnosis". It should be called "My Doctors Were Lucky I Didn't Sue Their Ass" or perhaps "I Really Should Have Been More Proactive When It Came To Being Sick For Thirteen Years".

How about starting a new show on the Discovery Channel? "My Insurance Company Denied My Treatment And Now I'm Doomed To Die" or "I Didn't Have Insurance And Lost My House, My Car, And All My Material Possessions When I Got Cancer And Now I Can't Qualify For Insurance Even If I Could Afford It".

You know, good old fashioned entertainment for the masses.