Simply Smitten

Two things have happened in my entertainment world in the last month. I cancelled our satellite subscription and I discovered high def PBS.

Did you know that there is a channel called “Create”? They have knitting, quilting, sewing, cooking, and travel shows… It has become the only thing I watch on tv, aside from all those fancy schmancy shows on regular PBS. (I watch the Antique Road show simply to see people bring in items that they claim are from the Ming Dynasty but are actually cleverly disguised Happy Meal toys).

I must admit that aside from Sewing With Nancy, I find the majority of the other quilting/sewing shows to be an exercise in “what women will do when they have way too much time on their hands, access to Aqua Net, blue eye shadow, and shoulder pads”, but it entertains me to no end to hurl epithets at them.

I would love to have my own craft show where I could let it all hang out. I could envision my opening monologue something like this:

“Today, we’re going to slap some shit together to give as a gift to your friend who really hates to get gifts of shit slapped together. She’s just too nice to tell you this, but in all actuality, the minute you leave her house, she hides all your gifts, only to take them out the next time you visit.

We’re also going to talk about going green and how all the tacky shit that you make is just clogging our landfills. Later, we’re going to learn how much money is spent every year in the crafting industry on items that sit in people’s stashes for years, only to be donated to charitable organizations that have no idea what to do with them.

Not that I have any inside knowledge there. I’m just using the power of my imagination.”

Yeah, I make crap…but at least I’m realistic about it.

Probably not the best selling point of my new show.

So, ANYWAY, I have gotten into watching the cooking show Simply Ming. Now, after watching the Food Network and their hyped up pseudo stars, I find Simply Ming to be absolutely charming. I want to cook Asian fusion. I want to use chopsticks. I want to put Ming in my kitchen where he will cook for me and indulge my wildest culinary fantasies…like anything with mushrooms. The man uses a lot of mushrooms and in case you don’t know, I am part hobbit.

What’s really weird is that I have seen all the cookware for the Food Network “Stars”. I have seen Rachel Ray’s knives (which I would like to use on Rachel Ray), Emeril’s pans, and Bobby Flay’s grilling equipment. I have scoffed at them, talked down about them, derided their commercialism, materialism, and narcissism.

But Ming? Ohhhhh, his wok is so shiny! And his dishes are like, totally Asian and square and beautiful. And he has a cool bamboo steamer! And I love his pepper mill!

And he makes it all look so easy. And his mother is a hoot. And he actually mentioned how to make a recipe gluten free the other day. And I know that he wants to cook JUST FOR ME!