Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Humor is Stored in Cellulite

I have made a startling discovery.

No matter how much you want to improve yourself, going on a stark, uncompromising diet does two things. It makes you lose weight and it affects your sense of humor terribly.

I have lost eleven pounds. I consistently eat things that are both green and leafy. My clothes are fitting me better. I am waiting in absolute rapt excitement for my garden to produce fresh peas and beans.

But I must admit, I am feeling a tad techy. I really seem to have NO PATIENCE for anything lately. Things that used to make me smile now barely make me grunt in acknowledgement. I am going to be the skinniest grumpy bitch on the block.

I have also noticed inappropriate thoughts in my head...and fantasies...about dinner rolls and muffins and ice cream.

We went out for dinner for father's day and I fell off the wagon for the evening, which I am allowing myself to do every now and again. I still eat healthy choices but they are cooked food. And on father's day? I ate a croissant type roll with my meal. By the end of dinner, I must admit, people were wondering why my eyes were rolled back in my head and my pants were at my knees.

Ahhh bread, thy name is happiness. Glutenous, buttery joy.

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