Monday, February 23, 2009

Grab Your Noir Hats

A friend of mine came up with a great little diversion for me. Occasionally, when the barking dogs in my head begin to bite, I'll journal things in a, you know, real journal. Things that I could never write here. Things that, if written and published, would have SOMEONE knocking on my door.

But this idea of a diversion came up when I began to discuss the many acts of violence that I had fantasized about. Professor Peach, in the courtroom, with an AK-47, that sort of thing. All in delightfully bad taste. All in my fantasy world.

She suggested I journal a story. Entirely fiction, mind you. My own personal OJ story of "If I did it".

So here is where ya'll come in. This will be a Noir thriller. Entirely scribbled in my journal in purple crayon. It will be about Zelda, a 6'2 suicide blonde (dyed by her own hand). She's been done wrong in the worst sort of way and as we find her, she's caressing a handgun like a long lost lover.

Give me your best Noir elements...Zelda's getting impatient.



Anonymous said...

(background music)

A knock at the door. It is opened. Look! It is the twins from down the road, Bob & Ted Horton, founders of the Horton's boxery, smiling and flexing their handsome musculature for your careful inspection.

"My friend", sez Ted. "We heard that you have a pesky little problem and that you need our help." Bob slowly pulls out his gleaming copper pipe from his plumber's bag, while Ted unzips his electricians vest of many pockets to unwind several good inches of 6 gauge copper wire from a carefully hidden spool...

Debbie said...

Here I was looking for Noir and this sounds disturbingly pornographic!


nancythequilter said...

Just make sure she has a warm spot in her heart for dogs and cats (maybe rats, too). Every character needs to have more than one facet to their personality - they might as well be kind to the four-legged variety of animal.

You know, beat the crap out of someone with one hand while handing out doggie treats with the other. Your Zelda is so powerful that she should be able to multi-task.

amyroz said...

I love it!