Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Singer Has Yet To Make Me Their Spokesperson

Sewing makes my eyes bleed. And my brain cramp. And then there's that problem with explosive diarrhea.

I sew because there are things that I want. Unlike my sister and her daughter who attended Hogwarts School for Sewing Wizardry, I can sew if you put a fully loaded gun to my head with Clint Eastwood on the other end of it.

"You wanna make a quilt then? Do ya punk?"

Yes, I've made a few quilts. They keep me warm. Just don't look at the seams...DON'T!

I lately find that I can't handle much in the way of sewing (hmmm, here's where I would slip in one of those 'crafting as a metaphor for life' observations if I was all philosophical like. Fortunately, I'm mildly retarded and will spare you the bullshit.

Little things. I can handle little things. I can put together a three piece quilt square but when faced with sewing it into a quilt top, I'm forced to wash three Valium down with a shot of Jack Daniels and call it a night.

I haven't made a purse for awhile but I occasionally enjoy that, except for when the pattern REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I believe the last purse I tried to make ended up with me throwing it, half finished onto the floor and screaming that I hated it, it never talked to me, and it was cold and uncaring.

Yeah...never sew while thinking about marital discord. It never has a happy ending (the project or the marriage.)

But I must admit, I LOVE to make potholders. Five minutes to cut out, two minutes to sew. It's the ULTIMATE ADD sewing project. They also don't take a lot of fabric, so poor people can have fun too!

And, as my dog can attest, when you accidentally dip them in spaghetti sauce the night before and leave them a little too close to the ground before taking them to the washer, they are DELICIOUS!


JB aka JayBee said...

God have mercy on your dog as it passes the potholder.

Annie said...


Totally off topic, if I send you something (thinking camp) to phone book address, you will get it?

Debbie said...

I'm not listed in the phone book and as many times as I am at the St. Louis County Courthouse, they have yet to set up a mailbox there.

Contact me at christinaharkness68 at gmail.com and and I can give you my witness protection information...