Speaking of the mental health thing, (oh, by the way, I'm continuing on yesterday's topic. Please keep up, there will be a test) I think I have pretty much finished my victim impact statement.
I've been working and re-working it, putting it down for a few days, grumbling over it as I weed the garden, returning to it, reading it, and crying like it's all new and fresh once more.
I've finished with group therapy and I've been going to a therapist intermittently but I'm not sure that I've had as much gut wrenching revulsion toward the whole scene as I have while writing this statement.
Speaking with the victim advocate a few days ago, I learned that STBX and his lawyer will be the ones that have to ask for the judge to go outside of the normal sentencing guidelines and give him "mercy". This means, it will be out of the normal sentencing guidelines for him to go to jail and not prison.
If he goes to jail? Probably less than a year in actual time served. How's that for mercy? With all the things that I've discovered and all the hell that I haven't even talked about that my daughter went through, this piece of shit wants mercy.
So, this is an actual case where the victim impact statements that my daughter and I read will actually have a chance to sway the judge. It's not just an exercise in mental health, it's an attempt to put this bastard in prison where he belongs.
It comes down to a near out-of-body experience as I write the story of what being married to this person was like. Of all the signs of his perversion that, in hindsight, shine in the darkness like beacons. Of all the hours that I have beat myself up over being so blind. Of all of the years of his playing the victim while he abused his daughter and tried to bribe her into not telling.
Let me wrap my nightmare up in words of pain and sorrow. Let me say the right thing. And in the end, let me finally rest.