Dear William, There Is A Lot To A Name

This has happened to me twice now.

I have been on the phone with an official agency that has access to "my business" and halfway through the transaction, after the person on the phone has looked up the answer to my question, they have suddenly changed their attitude 180 degrees in the opposite direction.

From friendly and helpful to ice princess bitchy.

The first time, I didn't get it.

Today, it finally dawned on me.

I called for some info and the person had to take my number and call me back. When she returned my call, suddenly she's calling me by STBX's name.

Yeah, note to all the women out there who think it's a good idea to give their boys a girl's name: DON'T.

There is obviously something akin to a scarlet letter on our files. I like to think of it as a big "GONG" noise that happens whenever we're pulled up. Sort of like the Taco Bell commercial.

"Gong! Make a run for the border! And you better make it fast you fuckin' pedo, cuz our posse is a comin' to get you!"

When this woman called me back, she was a beeeeyotch! I sat there, looking at the telephone receiver, wondering who had pissed in her pudding, and then she starts calling me "Tracy".

And that is when I lost it.

That is when I tore off her head and spit down the bloody stump.

That is when I nearly threw the phone across the room.

I don't want this name. My children don't want this name. We are being jerked around by a fucking pedophile who has, no doubt, already become someone else's wife in prison.

Now, everytime I hear our last name I hear this huge gong in the background.

It makes me hateful and angry.

And it makes me want a burrito supreme and some cinnamon twists. NOW!