Sunday, October 11, 2009

Didn't I Hear All This On Dr. Phil?

Ever had a couple glasses (bottles) of wine and started to comprise your list of relationship "warning signs"? You know, actual things that have happened in your past relationships that you were to stupid to heed but in retrospect, with a head soaked in a little too much alcohol, you realize can be tragically hilarious?

Cuz really, pain and sadness not only deepen our strength and give a greater luster to our colors, but it also gives us some kick ass stories to tell as we whistle past the graveyard.

  • STBX put an engagement ring on my finger and as I was going all gushy he says "Yeah, that ring has only been on the finger of one other girl. She turned me down." Hmmm. Smart girl.
  • My former father-in-law warned STBX against marrying me because I was filled with too much "moxie". What the hell does THAT mean? That I'd get a little pissy if you hit me? Apparently it was a latent moxie, also known as "Mamma Bear" syndrome.
  • My former father-in-law explaining to me, as I held my newborn, how it was important to know that you should beat your kids if you needed to, cuz it's the only way to get your point across at times... Yeah, thanks for that Doctor Spock. Hooray for stellar parenting! He also chewed me out for dressing my little girl in blue because it would make her "funny". Sorry to rain on your parade dad-in-law, but the first signs of a lesbian baby are the booties. They will be VERY SENSIBLE.
  • After being found out as a cheater, having STBX literally look me in the eye and say "You know, I could go and visit her on the weekends and stay here during the week." This was about 24 hours before I learned the whole story. This was his line of thinking and to this day, I regret not dope slapping him with a crowbar.
We all have them...cringe-worthy moments...let's discuss!


Shelly said...

My STBX talked about how much he adored his children! And, I was to find out later that it actually meant, "I would believe those pathologically lying, evil little people over YOU when the going gets tough and they start to knife you in the back."

Aaaaah, and learn...LOL

superiorfan said...

Sure I've said dumb things but don't think anything that would qualify for the WCD Awards (World Class Dumbness).

Things that might qualify.

The girlfriend that told me “you are not jealous enough”. Stated after she “asked” if it was ok for her to spend an evening with her old school friends both male and female (you are not invited). That sounds fine (I get a night out with the guys?). Guess I should have showed I cared and put my foot down. I say no and that would be way over controlling, say have a fun time and its “you are not jealous enough” WTF.

My cousins husband told her “you are playing to much attention to the baby and not enough to me” Thats got to be way up there. Their daughter was a few months old at the time.

Same guy that told my cousins step dad “you are no great success”. The question was “what are your plans after you are married for a career”. Cousins STBH (Soon To Be Husband) was working part time at a restaurant and some other odd jobs that changed often. My cousins step dad is a biologist for a power company. He want to know if my cousins STBH wanted to go to college or a trade school and he'd help him pay for schooling. (The STBH is now an X after the baby and other comments/actions)

I did learn one thing while dating a school teacher. Never ever correct or disagree with her. Just bob your head up and down faking agreement. Any other comments will be brought up later again and again. Ended up measuring all my words before opening my mouth. Then you get the “what are you thinking” I'm thinking of what not to say so you don't get all pissy for the next week.

I've had my share I'm sure but nothing that would be WCD.

Anonymous said...

My FIL (now deceased) said I was too smart?!?! My MIL (still alive) just told my husband that he should bring my children and himself up, but leave me home. WOW! This after he (my husband) told her off over something that I don't even know about! My poor husband has the most fucked up family going. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and doing great and they offer him beer and liquor the minute he walks in the door! They think he should be able to have a few while he is with them and that he can just stop when he goes home! IDIOTS! At least he put his foot down and said that if I am not welcome then he damn sure isn't bringing my kids up there to show that kind of disrespect to his wife. He also told them that they must not really give a rats ass about him either otherwise the booze offering would stop! Thank God for his recovery. If we lived around them I really think we would be divorced!