Jesus Will Forgive You, It's His Job

I received the letters yesterday from ding dong's lawyer along with my lawyer's response and those two documents, viewed side by side, actually had me giggling at the absurdity and the complete power imbalance exuding from the two documents.

Previous letters from ding dong's lawyer seemed to emit a testosterone soaked "fuck you" behind every sentence. Perhaps it was just my frame of mind when I read it. Perhaps it was my fear and insecurity. Perhaps there really was a testosterone soaked "fuck you" hidden in there like a magic eye puzzle. Whatever it was, I would read it and shake and spiral and cry.

Well, I do believe things have changed a bit. The letter couldn't have been more whipped if it had been written without any capitalization and had included a frowny faced emoticon at the end.

I could actually sense the frame of mind of the poor legal secretary that had to put that little gem together. I could hear her tsk-tsk-ing and I knew she was thinking "Jesus Christ man, what are you smoking, crack?"

My lawyers response was BEAUTIFUL! I am going to state it here and now that of the 90 billion times I have bitched about lawyers on this blog, this one letter might just redeem 80 billion of those complaints. I may even frame it one day.

She started every paragraph, nearly every sentence, with "Ms. Harkness expects" and "Ms. Harkness feels" and as I had given her my expectations that he would never track us down in the future, she framed those expectations around getting a restraining order to keep him away, if necessary.

She then stated that he has had the signed divorce documents for over a month and has failed to submit them to the court house and he had better GET HIS ASS IN GEAR.

Well, she didn't use the word ass, but it was verrrrry close.

So, I suppose he'll either submit the paperwork or else we'll have to threaten them AGAIN to go to court.

So glad those divorce papers are signed...it has really gotten the process moving...yes, that is sarcasm.