Monday, October 19, 2009

Neither Tighty Nor Whitey

A few years ago, I spent over a year working on and off on a pair of knitted long john pants. I made them out of wool and since it took forever, I paid for them on the installment plan. I used the Elizabeth Zimmerman long john "recipe" from one of her books and I ended up having to wing it (Elizabeth would have been proud) to compensate for the fact that even back then, relative to the rest of my body, I had no ass.

I revelled in them for a couple weeks. They were cozy and warm and wonderful.

Then, they were accidently washed.

Yup. They went to the land of "knitting projects that will never be spoken of again".

Except I am now contemplating making another pair. Yes, I have learned my lesson, they will be made out of something washable. (Occasionally I hear someone talk about making a baby item out of wool that needs hand washing and I have to ask myself "Are you on crack? Have you never had a baby? There are days when the baby is lucky to be hand washed, let alone your blanket. Five minutes after you give it to the mother, your blanket will be covered with puke, poop, and drool. BABIES ARE DISGUSTING!" Of course all of these thoughts generally end up being expressed with a single raised eyebrow and perhaps the question "Really?" I am nothing if not understated.)

I will not be using Elizabeth's pattern this time. Yes, it was based on my own personal measurements but the assumption of ass kind of made me sad. I'm also thinking about making them in a color pattern to keep me from wanting to commit suicide after I get one leg made.

Of course, the easiest thing would be stripes. Perhaps a "Where's Waldo" red and white pattern like his hat? Or a Wicked Witch of the East black and white pattern? (Would this put me at risk for having a house fall on me? Knowing my house, I'm ALWAYS exposed to this risk.)

There's also the possibility of making them into a Norwegian type pattern. Like a sweater for my legs.

Or I could do something like pattern the outside of the leg to look like police caution tape or crayons or perhaps knit them black with white anatomically correct bones? I've always been a fan of knitting anatomically correct things.

There are far to many choices for such a big project. It's not like I'm going to make a pair and then start right in on the next pair because they were SO FUN AND FAST! If I make this pair and then even show the slightest interest in making a THIRD pair, everyone is given permission to dope slap me.

So, any thoughts? Feel free to include links to color patterns that I could incorporate.


superiorfan said...

No suggestion for your project. But for those thinking of knitting a hand washable baby item. How about something in a puke, poop, and drool pattern. Baby Camouflage.

Nutty Knitter said...

Elizabeth Zimmerman has a long john pattern that is popular that you could knit up using sock yarn. That way, you can wear them under jeans, etc. to keep warmer in the winter.

I'm thinking a nice sock yarn would work and many of them are machine washable and don't do the 'f' word (felt).

Happy Feet is a brand of yarn I've used in the past and it's soft and under $7/hank. I know that Hobby Lobby started carrying other brands of sock yarn too. Might be worth checking out.

I know the EZ book can be checked out from my local library so I'm thinking it should be available at yours.

Just and idea.....

Anonymous said...

Love your project idea! How about something along the lines of the young Swedish feminist Pipi Longstocking? I don't know how to make a link, but check out for a picture. You could knit your own meaningful symbols or words into the stripes.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you would consider a pair of anatomically improper long johns knit from denim yarns that fade and soften with use?

Then you could separately knit up some anatomy for the long johns that could be snapped or Velcroed in place to suit your mood.

As in "Is that your TAIL I see beneath the hem of your skirt or...?"

As in Madonna styled add-ons.

Or Snap-on tools. Maybe even some sequins? : )