It is Friday and because I'm just a little bit special, that should have me doing the happy dance. However, I have been infested with a cold and I have been in and out of work all week. The most I can do right now is wave my spaghetti-like arms in the air and whoop feebly.
I am ingesting mass quantities of my admitted addiction though...no, not meth. As I stated earlier, I'm rather fond of my teeth. And not heroin, I really don't go for that gaunt- gotta get a fix and I'll mess you up to do it-schtick.
I'm speaking of honey. Yes, the golden nectar of the gods which allows me to take in vast amounts of sugar while saying in my best "I shop at the co-op and am more organic than thou" drone "Why yes, I am terribly concerned with the working conditions of the Bulu Bulu people in Farawayastan."
Anyone who has been here long enough knows that I am a bee groupie. Some people like hip hop, some like Star Trek, I like bees. And Doctor Who...and yes, most bees are aliens from Melissa Majoria and why didn't I learn this in science class??? My public school education was A JOKE!
But I digress.
I happen to use a lot of honey. I love a bread recipe in my Cooks Country Cookbook for sandwhich bread which calls for honey. I don't use a bread machine and this is one of the few recipes that I will stand at my counter and do upper body calisthenics for twenty minutes to make it come out right.
Need I mention what a BLT tastes like made with homemade bread, garden lettuce and tomato, and "happy organic pig" bacon? Why yes, I did just use my "more organic than thou" voice, thank you for noticing.
Aside from the bread, I have taken to sweetening my coffee with honey. as the weather gets colder I am gravitating towards the sweets and a sweetened cup of coffee (or ten) in the morning gives me more satisfaction than my marriage ever did.
And a sweetened with honey cup of coffee will never, NEVER, cost you $4300.00 in legal fees.
Once again, I digress. (I'm starting to wonder if there is a toxic level of honey which causes massive ADHD symptoms, as I seem to be veering all over the...hey, I need some more coffee...be right back...)
Where all this hullabaloo is leading is that I am about to do a product placement ad...are you ready? Cuz I'm about to sell out and ENDORSE a product. Buckle your seat belts because you know I am going to be raking in the big bucks from this Fortune 500 company and will be forever tainted and you will call me a schill and hate me forever. I will preface this endorsement with the following statement: These people don't know me. I don't know them. They are just my dealers.
As I stated a couple days ago, I am not only addicted to honey but I am addicted to a specific honey. It's a honey that I tasted at the Wednesday Farmer's Market (you are allowed to taste before you buy...). I don't normally go to the Wednesday market because, you know, I have a job. I just happened to be running an errand and I passed by the market and I thought hmmmm! I wonder if it's any different than the Saturday market.
Guess what! It is!
Being a bee/honey groupie gives me a cupboard full of different kinds of honey. In case you aren't a bee nerd, honey can have vastly different flavors depending on what flowers bees are hanging out on, what time of the year it is, and whether or not they are preparing for their once in a lifetime migration to Melissa Majoria. The thing is, I usually end up buying honey and using it and all is well but it is just that, honey. It is good and tasty and wonderful but I've never taken a taste and went "Holy cow! This tastes like rainbows and unicorn dreams!"
But then I walked by the Walter's Family booth and I was offered a spoonful of honey.
And it tasted like rainbows and unicorn dreams.
And then, I became a freak.
I wasn't planning on buying honey that day but I did. And I went back a week later because I had used the entire bottle and that time I bought two bottles. Last Wednesday? Three bottles.
I try not to be the freak show that I know I am but when I'm writing out my check I have to tell perspective customers that they obviously don't understand JUST HOW GOOD THIS HONEY IS!
I have a cupboard full of honey. I don't need this honey.
But I NEED this honey.
Yeah. Freak show!
So as much as I want to keep all of their wonderful honey to myself, I think beekeepers rock and I think if it is humanly possible, one should take a taste of their honey. They are on Facebook under Miel Walters. You can contact them at email@example.com.
And if you happen to go to the market next week and there is a woman with her hands full of Walter's Honey who is eyeing everyone with the suspicion that only a severe addiction can cause, just back away and don't look her in the eye.
She's only dangerous if you look her in the eye...