Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I Teach Home Repair Clinics At Home Depot, Stop By For Some Pointers

I think my standards must be just a little too high. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

I mean, why would one expect that when their windows are "finished" and the guy hands you the tube from the caulk gun and says "there's still some left so you might as well have this", I mean, why would I assume that was code talk for "I caulked one side of the window and now it's late and I'm really done here so if you want to finish off that 1/2 gap that goes all around your window? Use this caulk."



So after coming home with a migraine a little early yesterday and getting just a little toasted on headache drugs, I proceeded to finish off the window after the window guy left. Needless to say, this morning dawned to the apparent evidence that my second career as a window finisher might not be the best option. Was it a bad thing that I used a half a tube of toothpaste when I ran out of caulk? It was the kind that sparkles! (When it comes to home decoration, I am ON FIRE!)

Also? My career as a curtain hanger might not be the best choice either. I did hang a set of curtains in the window of my kitchen that has not had a set of curtains since we moved here fifteen some odd years ago. It had a shade. An awful shade.

The shades in this house came in three different categories: Awful, dreadful, and DEAR SWEET JESUS WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?????

Anyway, not having a drill makes hanging curtains a challenge. Oh, STBX had a drill but it was sitting with his other tools, in a puddle of water in the garage, totally rusted out and disgusting.
This means that I end up putting the screws in the wall by hand. It involves the liberal application of profanity and hand strength, only one of which I have in abundance. (If you guessed hand strength, you haven't been around here much, have you?)

After fighting with the screws for awhile, then the hammer comes out. Very little in life can't be mitigated by the application of a hammer. It's good at making pilot holes, it's good at getting attention when you're drunk at a party, and it's good at breaking down the skull bones when you are desperately trying to hide a human head .

But I digress.

So my kitchen now has a real curtain. Unfortunately, I need to return the curtains and get shorter ones for the bedroom as I was sort of guestimating at their length. (Rumor has it, there are these highly sophisticated instruments called "measuring tapes" that "professionals" use to actually find out the length of whatever they need.

Yeah, sounds like voodoo to me to. I think it's a right wing conspiracy to make us hippies out to be inept at home repair or something.


superiorfan said...

1/2" gap? Just use Caulk? Home Depot windows installed by "3 Stooges Minus 2 Construction"
Did he forget to insulate around the window and the casing pieces to cover the gap?

Lynda3 said...

You don't need no stinking measuring tape! The hammer is close to a foot long, measure with that. One more practical use for a hammer!

Tripp Davenport said...

You have GOT to collect these posts into a Best-of-Debbie! I think you could be the next Erma Bombeck! These are so funny!!