Not straining myself

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions but here are a few that I am proposing for myself.

I will cease and desist from my plans to take over a small South American country, declaring myself dictator and supreme alpaca goddess.

I will mourn for Gerald Ford…well for Gerald Ford’s pardon of Richard Nixon that is.

I will grow my hair out and style it like James Brown. I will then get appropriate shiny clothing and do a “Soul Man” riff at the main Duluth Transit Center. I will then go to the nearest dentist when someone punches my teeth out. Of course, I will give the James Brown growl/shriek when I’m given the Novocain.

I will cease and desist from describing the present administration as Dickweed et al.

I will visit the polar bears and explain to them that global warming is just a myth. Ditto for the Inuit. They will, of course, believe me. I’m very convincing.

I will secretly plot the business plan for the scuba expeditions I will lead through the Glensheen Mansion when the ice caps melt and Lake Superior takes a few more feet of shoreline.

I will also take out a second mortgage when said lake levels rise and make my house all the more expensive since it will then be lake front property. The money will no doubt be used to purchase a small submersible in which I will lead further expeditions to the now submerged Great Lakes Aquarium.

I will cease to be concerned about global warming even though we have yet to get snow that sticks on the ground and it is now December 27th in Duluth, MN. I will take the tack that everyone else around me seems to be taking. “If I don’t have to shovel, how can it be a bad thing?”