Thursday, August 09, 2007

Just Clearing The Air

You know those people that seem to bitch ALL THE TIME? Nothing is good enough for them, the only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train, blah blah blah. They suck the life and light out of everything that is good and pure in the world. It is a confirmed fact that they were the inspiration for the working theory of black holes back in the day when black holes were a working theory.

I don't want to be seen as one of these people. I like to wrap my cold, dark angry core in a semblance of normalacy. It is hidden, like all those bodies in my basement.

But I do have fears of long lasting health effects or at least fears of sudden, bloody head explosions when all of that crap hits the amygdala and things start shorting out.

So, to avoid combustable amygdalas, I would like to offer a few observences from the past few days:

To my co-worker: I know I have walked the five blocks to Starbuck in order to get us both some "real" coffee when I have had time. However, setting your jumbo Starbucks tumbler on my desk and telling me that I can "fill it up" is not good form. Unless, of course, you were referring to the fact that I briefly thought of taking it into the bathroom and filling it up with something other than coffee. The thing about doing nice things for people is that they cease being nice things when the recipient demands them. They are then called "chores". You have lost your access to the Starbucks fairy. She doesn't like you anymore. She will key your car if you try that shit again.

To my other half (note, the word "better" was not used"): I know that it must be really hard on you when I work these 10 hour days. I honestly don't know how you cope! To think, you get an hour break to come home from your job at 4:30 in the evening and when I come at 5:00 pm and actually sit down to collect myself for 15 minutes, I can only imagine your distress. Wow, you're at home at 4:30 and playing World of Warcraft. I know that this is hard work! And when you get bitchy when your dinner isn't available before you go back to work at 5:30, I am totally sympathetic. I must sincerely apologize. I didn't realize that you were incapable of feeding yourself. Maybe tonight I'll just meet you at the door with a feeding tube.
I'm not promising where I'll place the feeding tube though.

To the Charlie Bell campaign workers who put their non-mailed literature in my mailbox? Oh yeah baby, that's illegal. And your pretty boy business man candidate should pay for your ignorance. I'd take it up to the post office and complain about it if it weren't for that incident last month when I went up there to complain about my mailman not picking up my mail even though he was delivering mail. I didn't work through that senerio before I walked into the post office. I complained loudly. I complained in public. I believe I referred to my mailman as "Newman". I was quickly ushered into a side office where my complaints were rudely dismissed and I was blown off. I believe I ended the encounter with some sort of comment like "This is why email and UPS are taking your asses down".

Yeah, controlled release of the furious amygdala's comments are what it's all about.
Once that chain reaction starts? We're all screwed.

2 comments:

QoE said...

Thank you!
I am usually non-homocidal, non-violent and wonderful person, too. Yesterday was my day. The dentist, the car mechanic and the ipod repair guy ... all in the same day!
Thank you for putting it into words!
Cathy in MN
PS I think I'm back to normal again *grin*

amyroz said...

I bet I KNOW where you got the feeding tube idea! I loved it! Do they do rectal feeding tubes?
Ha ha ha. It feels good to laugh.