Thursday, October 18, 2007

You will pry this macaroni from my cold dead hand

Tomorrow is my day off. I will be running eleventy and a half million errands but they will be my choice to run. Mine Mine Mine. I have to run an errand to a yarn store tonight and another errand to a yarn store tomorrow. DAMN. Life can be so incredibly difficult at times.

So I got my test result back and I don't have rheumatoid arthritis, not even in the training wheel stage. Next stop? It was recommended that I see a rheumatologist. I called the rheumatologist (I like to call him rheumy)to ask "Hey, how much money do I gotta pull outta my thong when I get there?" And they said "$100 and you can pull it out of your purse, thank you." The going estimate for a single trip to see my rheumy without labs included? (And you know they love their labs) anywhere between $100 (that covers the cost of putting Irma, the psychic hamster on your ass joint and interpreting her squeaks to obtain your diagnosis), to $500 (that involves the use of the machine that goes 'PING'). I called the poor people's place and asked them how many times I had to have sex with strangers to pay for my rheumy visit and they told me to come back in to them. I will see them in a month.

It has also been recommended by people who are knowledgable in the area of eating sticks and twigs and calling it food (and looking mighty healthy I might add) that I should try a wheat and gluten free diet. Boy, I sure would like to try it but I wish I had someone that could hold my hand and help me a little. Once I go there I just might start discussing the health benefits of colonics and looking down on people that eat *GASP* processed sugar! Yes, I will probably try it but there are times when that plate of pasta is all that saves me from going on an interstate shooting spree.

Think about that the next time you go to Olive Garden.

2 comments:

Samantha said...

Gluten free is not bad at all. I am a fellow Duluthian and I have needed to be on a gluten free diet for a couple of years now. I found a company that makes wonderful, non-sticky, tasty, pasta that is very satisfying to the pallet. It is made from corn. The same company makes very real crackers, too.

gtr said...

I agree! Gluten free isn't as bad as I thought it would be (we eat that way at home due to my husband's food issues) but it doesn't come cheap, unfortunately.

The co-op has some great brown rice pasta; corn is OK too. We also do well with some (cheap, bulk) alternative grains like quinoa (cook like rice) and millet, even grinding it up to make our own crackers, etc (when I have time, not for a while now).

Plain old rice and cornmeal, etc works well for stuff, too; hot cereal, etc. Good luck!