Monday, December 24, 2007

Public IPod Use: A Cautionary Tale

So, let's play a game of "Imagine This".
A somewhat middle aged woman, thick at the waist and slightly graying, has just gotten a new IPod. She is quite enamored of it and after her children abandoned her in the wilderness of ripping CD's and downloading tunes, she followed a trail of digital breadcrumbs, loaded her music, and customized it for herself.

She discovered that it greatly removes the bitterness from mundane daily tasks such as grocery shopping and pretending to listen to the family as they complain about things that she has no control over.

But there is a problem.

Sometimes, she wears pants that have no pockets.

And as any delicate flower would do, she stuffs her IPod into the waist of her pants and usually her flab is able to keep it lodged firmly in place. That, my friends, is what flab is good for. (Take that AMA!) This is why the teenie boppers that have -4% body fat need pockets for their IPods.

But occasionally, and most disconcertingly, the IPod shifts. It's movements are subtle enough not to warrent attention until suddenly, the little device is on a horrible, gravitational free fall straight down her pants.

But the little charmer does not go down without a fight. The flab can actually be a negative when it catches the volume button upon its decent.

Thus the poor woman squeals in pain as the volume rockets upward and the IPod rockets downward.

And the only thing the public sees is a woman weeping in pain as blood gushes from her ears

and her hands are caught down her pants

groping for some lost and mysterious shore.


feistyMNgirl said...

ha- i am afraid to say this has also happened to me (but, minus the middle-aged flab, i learned to wear pockets!)

feistyMNgirl said...

...and when i say minus the middle-aged flab, it just means i have "early-30's flab"

i do NOT consider 30s to be middle aged.