Saturday, January 12, 2008


The City of Duluth is ignoring me.
But apparantly the Duluth News Tribune is not.

I called the City of Duluth office of high holy zoning to see if I was zoned to have bee hives where I lived. The ever so helpful first person that I talked to informed me that *gasp* bees are not considered a domestic animal.

Well, MY bees are going to fetch, sit, and "beer me", ya can't get more domestic than that.

She was not, however, convinced. She said I needed to talk to the next person up the ladder. I have called her twice and she has not called me back.

It really is all moot though since there is a very good chance that I will be putting up a couple of hives on a friend's dad's farm. I was kind of looking forward to writing a note on the back of a cereal box in purple crayon that said "The City of Duluth LOOOOOOVES Bees. Signed-Donny Ness" It would have been foolproof!

The only problem I can see with having my hives on my friend's dad's farm is that he is, how shall I say this, a REAL farmer. And he probably can step outside, take one sniff of the wind, and give you an accurate weather forcast for the next three weeks. And he's probably had his hand up a sheep's bum all the way up to there (I'm pointing at my elbow if you can't see). What does all this mean? When I install the hives and accidently drop an entire frame of bees and they somehow swarm under my bee suit and begin to sting me all at once, making me do the dance of an levitating epileptic, I can just imagine his Scandinavian farmer reaction. He'll let out a small sigh and an even smaller smile.

My friend, on the other hand, will be running for the camera.

Actually I just might have her convinced to don a bee suit with me.

Yes, if you are my friend, I will eventually lead you down the road to ruin. Or at least the road to bee stings.

But onward to the News Tribune.

I guess they found this blog via a link and I got a phone call from a reporter.
Not once did I let on my opinions of the paper. She seemed like a perfectly nice woman and I'm sure she loves her job, or at least her paycheck. And I was tactful enough not to give her the response I give to those fine folks that think as long as you put a garage sale ad in their paper, that you want them to call you 24-7 because IF YOU DO NOT GET A SUBSCRIPTION MY BABIES WILL STARVE.

Or something like that.
Yeah, I generally let them know that I think their paper is a right wing fish wrapper that isn't even good to use as toilet paper. The ink comes off in the most inconvenient places. I usually only come to that comment when their sales people won't let me off the damn phone.

Recently they did an article about the incoming mayor, Mr. Ness (of purple crayon fame). The headline was some overtly negative spin regarding the fact that "Mayor Ness won't do anything special for young professionals". As a private citizen and later a city councilor, Don has been involved in a lot of groups for young professionals and guess what??? That's not his specific job as mayor. Now, it's his job to represent everyone.

And even as a person that doesn't wave a flag for too many politicos, the article just pissed me off. Then, while going out with a friend whose husband was interviewed for the article, I find that the reporter was really pressing him for negative shit to fling at the mayor. He wouldn't bite and I guess the reporter must have decided to look elsewhere for flaming bullshit content.

So, after I get my bees (which will be domesticated, BITCH), I will fly them bomber style down to City Hall with a little stop along the way at the News Tribune office.

Just for a chat, mind you.

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