Saturday, April 12, 2008

Mother Nature Blows

Thursday night, the blizzard hit.
Friday I got to stay home from work.
We also lost our electricity and thus our ability to cook or stay warm for several hours.

This experience has led me to the conclusion that if I were ever in a true survival situation, I would rather be left alone in the middle of nowhere, naked and drunk in a snow drift (for some reason I'm having college flashbacks) than to have to work for survival with my family.

How many endless hours can I listen to my husband bitch about MN Power? Only a couple to tell you the truth, after that I grabbed the wine corkscrew and went to work on my ear drums.

How many times can I listen to normally un-whiney teenagers act as if their inability to get onto the internet is akin to being trapped at Donnor Pass and being asked that age old question "Would you rather eat your dead frozen mother or your dead frozen father?"

I had gone out Friday morning to get a cup of coffee and the weather was bad. I got home and started looking through the cupboards for caffeine delivery systems for the following morning because I was fairly confident that we wouldn't have power Saturday morning. This is called "planning". This is called "modern survival". I then gathered three homemade quilts, a good book, and I hunkered down as the family bitched and swirled around me.

By 2 pm, my husband had come to the conclusion that he needed HOT FOOD. Not any of the raw food or packaged food in the house. The kids jumped on the bandwagon and they all got ready to head out into the storm.

I didn't move. To paraphrase a very horrible man who is now thankfully gone, "You will pry this book from my cold dead hands". Yes, a hot meal would have been nice, but NOT WITH THESE PEOPLE.

And before they could step a foot out the door, the power came on.

All three refugees from the storm skittered to their various internet portals like cockroaches in bright light.

And I never heard a peep out of them for the rest of the day.

It has made me come to the conclusion that if the four of us are stuck in a lifeboat, I will do one of two things.

I will either jump overboard

or I will kill them all.

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