Tuesday, April 01, 2008

You Cannot Convince Me That This Is Good

Many years ago, I was a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian while living in Oklahoma. This is equivalent to standing on your roof and shouting “I am a flaming liberal, please don your white sheets and burn a cross on my lawn because I AM NOT LIKE YOU.”

Back in my veggie killin’ days, I never went for the tofu or tempeh or “fake meat”. I would occasionally alter recipes to make them vegetarian but I refused to make “fake food”.

Now, as I’m eating gluten free, I find myself returning to the same mantra. There are a lot of gluten free products out there. And many of these are nasty, disgusting, and dirt flavored products. In fact, after spending a weekend with various baking experiments all made with gluten free “flour” products, I have realized that fake flour products really upset my stomach. One gluten free banana muffin = 15 hours of heartburn. They also give the mouth feel reminiscent of a windy day at the beach.

I also have tried several varieties of pasta products that have actually made me do that annoying toddler trick of taking a bite, sticking your tongue out, and gagging. Now, you’d think that cooking up a pot of extremely expensive pasta would at least make me realize that I am a grown up and I could at least eat this one plate of disgusting crap and then never buy it again. Well, I also realize life is too short for oral torture.

So, here I sit. I have just wiped the gluten free biscotti off my tongue and fished the dirt flavored crumbs out of my coffee. I visit many blogs and websites that proclaim how great it is to be gluten free and such and such a recipe is wonderful and boy, it is sure great to be them!!!

And I sure wish I knew what they were smoking because maybe that is the only good gluten free product out there.


Rebecca Hartong said...

Hey Debbie! You might consider trying some Indian recipes. In the southern part of India, there's not a long history of growing wheat so people make "crepes" and "donut-y" things using soaked and then finely ground rice and/or lentils. Sometimes the grain is allowed to ferment a tiny bit to increase the rise. Also try chickpea flour. It's excellent for breading and frying veggies.

Nutty Knitter said...

I was just going to suggest using chickpea flour. I will say, 100% chickpea flour substituted for regular flour requires some additional spices (pumpkin muffin recipe for example) but is a nice alternative. Definitely worth giving a try.

Sorry to hear about the tongue wiping, I know how you feel.