Thursday, July 24, 2008

Job Title: Curmudgeon

As you may have noticed, the linkage in the side bar has grown considerably. I am in the process of closing down my Charitable Crafters group and today I deleted the pathetic excuse for a blog BUT I saved the tasty tasty craft links.

It's been somewhat inevitable, my closing down Charitable Crafters. I think I totally burned out after our holiday stocking gig last year and since I can no longer knit, feeling obliged to sit with the knitters while doing nothing but daydreaming about all the things I could be doing, has been a bit depressing.

It's been a long strange journey. When I was able to knit, going into the yarn store was like loading up the crack pipe. Everything I touched held potential, every yarn was eye catching, the smell of wool got me totally inspired. Now, that part of my brain has ceased to work. I stand in the yarn store and look around and say to myself..." what?"

I must admit, this attitude has extended into other areas of my life. I find myself really needing to purge a lot of crap out of my house lately. I think it's a metaphor for my life. It needs a good turning upside down with a vigorous shake. I think that's why I also am not thrilled about fabric stores anymore because I sit at my sewing machine and I start to feel claustrophobic because I'm surrounded by fabric. The fabric, however, will not be purged, simply used up...someday...somehow.

So, anyway, the main reason for rolling up the rug on my group has been my inability to get excited by anything to do with yarn or fabric or creativity. I used to fawn over donations. Now, I just say " what?"

Another reason? My "Giveafuckability" when it comes to other members of the human race. There was a time when I had the ability to be diplomatic when a volunteer with intractible OCD has turned in her 5,000,000th ugly item of which she has told you not to donate any of her items to poor people or god forbid...Black People! Now, I just want to take people like that and physically slap them upside the head.

From a distance, a person might think that I'm depressed but it doesn't feel that way to me. It just feels like a major life shift, a change into something new. I got myself into a new frame of mind when I started dieting and exercising 58 days ago and I think it's spilling into all aspects of my life. "If I don't like it, I'm going to change it."

I've lost 26 pounds now, and I've gained a shit load of attitude...maybe I need to lie down with a chocolate bar?

Maybe not.


Rebecca Hartong said...

Holy cats! 26 pounds in 58 days? That's a lot of weight in a short period of time!

I know what you mean about feeling like you're on the verge of something, though. It's like you can just feel there's something new and really different right over the horizon -- but you have no idea exactly what it might be.

(What kind of diet and exercise are you doing? I need that!)

amyroz said...

26 pounds! Wow - good for you.

Debbie said...

I've been keeping track of every single thing that I put in my mouth...and I'm up to an hour and a half on my glider. Not bad after starting out with being ehausted after five minutes when I first started!

I haven't gone over 1100 calories in any day since I started dieting and most days I don't go over 1000. I use the calorie counter/diet journal at and believe it or not, I've worked really hard on the psychological links between mood and food.

I've also really gotten into reading books about "Fast Food Nation" and "The Compassionate Carnivore". Now I'm reading "The Gospel of Food". It's been interesting to step back and take an overall look at why we (especially Americans) eat the way we do.

I think the biggest part of this, for me, is to realize that I feel better when I'm thinner and that's what important in the long run. Chocolate might make me feel better for the next 20 minutes, but that's about it!

Rebecca Hartong said...

Ah jeez.... Eating sensibly and exercising?!??! I was hoping it was some kind of magic spell or such.

A few years ago I did something similar -- lost a bunch of weight, felt great, then I had this "medical issue" come up and needed some fairly big-deal surgery. Lost more weight! Yippee!! But, as I healed from the surgeries and regained my health, I also regained my taste for fattening foods and my general habit of sloth.

So. Most of the weight is back.

It's so true, though, that really REALLY thinking about what you're eating and WHY can be hugely helpful in changing your entire attitude towards food.

When I was at my best on that, I used to comment to my husband: you know, food is JUST FUEL. That's all it is. It isn't love or comfort or home or any of those other things we associate with it. IT'S JUST FUEL.

I want to find my way back to really living that idea again!

Congratulations on being there yourself!