Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Rift-Duluth Style

To understand this post, you'll need to have a little knowledge. Do you watch Torchwood? If not, take 1:01 minutes and do a little homework on what The Rift is...

OK? Now, onto my theory of Rift activity in Duluth, MN.

Our rift doesn't let in aliens or pteradactyls, it sucks in stupid people. Stupid people from across the minute they're in Mobile, Alabama arguing about the wingspan of the space shuttle and the next thing, BAM! They're transported to Duluth, MN via The Rift.

Now, you may think you know the location of The Rift, but I have it on good authority that contrary to popular belief, it is not at the Hermantown Wal-Mart. It is actually down the road at Taco Bell. (Once the people are drawn through The Rift, they continue to act like all stupid people everywhere, they are mysteriously drawn to Wal-Mart as if it were Mecca. Hey, paying $3 for an item that will last six months is a WHOLE lot smarter than paying $6 for an item that will last two years...and someone has to keep all them brown children overseas busy making that crap cuz if they weren't making it, they might do something silly like get an education.)

(OK, I'm done ranting now...feel free to stop at Target instead. That's where all the upper class sweat shops supply the merchandise.)

So, back to The Rift. It exists at Taco Bell and that is where all their employees come from. I have lived in this town for fifteen years and I have not had a single positive experience there. I have been waited on by tattoo'd cashiers that let me know they would rather reach across the counter and snap my neck as opposed to holding the red sauce on my burrito. I have been waited on by a frighteningly talkative guy who, when he asked for my phone number for my check, said he would be calling me later and did I want his phone number? Obviously he didn't have the common sense to realize that I could be his...much older sister. There have been cashiers that I was sure were adding a little personal biological gift to the refried beans and cashiers that screwed up my order three consecutive times, all on the same transaction.

After suffering the latest indignity, my son looked at me and stated "This place is like Cardiff, only with stupid people instead of aliens."

I know that if I stand in front of the counter, I'll see a flash of bright light and another employee will materialize...ready to take my order and screw it up again.

As a final proof to my theory, perhaps the stupidist person of all can be found there. Me.

I just keep coming back for more.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Who was it that said " insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."?

By chance and proximity, in my little world I entertain myself by shopping at the four Super One grocery stores that are equal distance from my home. At the higher end of the Super One empire near the mall, produce workers remove the not-so-fresh produce to be redistributed to the less than upper class stores. I asked. I have watched shoppers kick around produce that has dropped to the floor and then note the employees return the beaten produce to the home pile. I have also noticed a wide variation in prices for same items, same Super One chain, different locations. For example, there is a forty cent/lb difference in the cost of a whole chicken between the stores.

Is it really insanity to expect consistent quality from such basic staples in life such as food? Personally, we have stopped eating at fast food places. It was too scary. You are brave!