Thursday, January 15, 2009

Gestalt Goes Shopping

Dear Mt. Royal Fine Foods:
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the customer that, over the past three weeks or so, has begun to openly weep in your produce section.

Believe it or not, I am not an overtly emotional person. I have been going through some trying times lately and aside from your establishment, I have been able to keep my shit together everywhere else.

I have been to both Cub Foods and Super One in the past three weeks without any emotional trauma. I have not gazed at their organic foods section and suddenly felt, as I did today, that my protective carapace was ripped away. By the time I had reached the Omega-3 infused cage free eggs, I was a flayed thing. My soul was exposed. My heart was broken. I blindly reached for the eggs and as I began to cry, I sobbed loudly and said to anyone within earshot "I just can't stand the thought of chickens in cages."

Perhaps it's the comforting aroma of coffee right as I enter your establishment. It may be the warm and welcoming color theme. It may even be your impressive hot food bar which has all the delicious foods that my mother never made for me.

Or perhaps it's the fact that your store just doesn't have the overt crazy people that I can find at other local grocery stores. I haven't run into anyone with poo on their pants or any mother beating their child. I haven't been accosted by anyone screaming at me in the parking lot or drunkenly demanding money.

Thus, I conclude that I was put on this earth to be THE crazy person at Mount Royal Fine Foods. I have absolutely no reason to react this way at your store but it's become a Pavlovian response now. The first time, I didn't cry until I reached the bakery. I'm afraid that next time, parking in your parking lot will cause me to hold my fabric grocery bags to my breast and keen for all to see.

Please be patient with me. Please don't think that I am trying to shoplift anything if I rush into the bathroom suddenly. Please, treat me like any other crazy, broken, sobbing stranger that you meet.

Please, just look the other way.


Anonymous said...

Definitely need new pics on blog header! Perhaps pics of you holding, say, a baseball bat or a sharp machete... Maybe a red background?

Better to cry at Mt. Royal than a Super One! Hang in there. This is, as they say, the rough patch.

Shelly said...

I have to believe that Mt. Royal would be more respectful of you losing it than say, the West end Super One, for example.

I did a lot of the sobbing at my desk, as if something someone had said to me on the phone had done it....

Anonymous said...

...and if only you were in a Byerly's as the wonderful people there would probably pour you some nice wine and find you a comfy chair, a box of Kleenex, and a shoulder to cry on.

A girl can only dream, can't she?

Like the new blog header! The transformation is stunning (and the little dogs are cute, too!)

Just a suggestion. Something else to think on while you wait...and wait... and wait... for the wheels of justice to quit spinning in the mud - go back to school and earn your RN. A perfect fit for your background. Plus, your money issues would no longer be worries. Not only could you buy a new wood floor, but you could hire Hans and Franz to lay it! Oh, the possibilities!

Just think about it. The process of getting in is long, so you have time. But the potential possibilities for your future are infinite. Thumbs up to you, Miz Debbie.