Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

I am going to spend tomorrow morning tracking down a rumor.

Word on the street is, the Omnibus Hearing on Monday has been cancelled. Of course, I had to hear this second hand, If it rings true, I will be forced to believe that the system is actually you know, not working for me.

Because I don't HAVE to be there, perhaps I am not worthy of informing?

I guess the calendar at the courthouse said it was cancelled.

Well, at least they were kind enough to let the general public know.

So now I get to spend the next 15 hours rolling it around in my head as to why an omnibus hearing would be cancelled.

You know it's coming...yes you do...you've been reading this here blog long enough to realize a golden opportunity when it happens.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY AN OMNIBUS HEARING FOR A PEDOPHILE WOULD BE CANCELLED

10) Monday, March 9th is NATIONAL PEDOPHILE DAY!!!!! Hooray! Take your favorite pedophile to lunch! Tell him he doesn't have to show up in court cuz he's just too cool!

9) His lawyer has been ruminating on ways to fuck with your head cuz your just not crazy enough!

8) In a scene from an old Twilight Zone episode, all the lawyers mysteriously disappeared this morning. They are being replaced by rocks covered with paper mache' and dog crap. Unfortunately, they won't be dry by Monday.

7) In regards to his sister, the pure and unconditional love for her brother, the pedophile, will convince the St. Louis County Court System that you know, he's REALLY not THAT bad of a guy.

6) In regards to his girlfriend, the pure and unconditional need to save him will convince the St Louis County Court System that he is actually a really great guy. To reward him, he will be introduced to her six year old daughter.

5) In regards to his girlfriend's husband, perhaps he hunted the pedo down and beat him with a baseball bat. Perhaps he's currently head to toe in a cast in the ICU right now, all alone, surrounded by the only people in this world that really love him.

4) Perhaps he's realized that he will be standing up in a courtroom someday and discussing the finer points of molesting a child and he realizes that he is not nearly as brave as his daughter. Perhaps he has put a bullet in his own head.

3) Perhaps I'd like to donate the bullets.

2) Perhaps the judge has a soft spot for pedos.

1) Perhaps God just hates me.