Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dante As My Biographer (And Two Literary Titles in Two Days! That's Why I Was An English Major)

I went and got a second opinion regarding what to do when I'm supposed to have an MRI but I can't afford it. I've basically given up on the system and I just wanted to know what I can do for myself to take the best care of myself.

I went to the Lake Superior Health Care Center, where I started this journey almost two years ago. I wanted to see Nancy Sudak because I have heard many good things about her and she is a doctor that also believes in complimentary medicine.

All I wanted was an alphabet soup of what vitamins to take. I got that, but I also have an appointment to see a neurologist tomorrow.

Since she deals with people everyday that don't have insurance, she totally understood what I was talking about. She is going to explain to them that they will have to do good old fashioned neurology with no expensive diagnostics. She then prepared me for the fact that they might not be able to come up with anything definitive and they might not be the warmest, fuzziest doctors I've ever seen.

After seeing the pulmonologist that was the biggest horse's ass EVER, I am fully prepared. As a matter of fact, I am more prepared because I have an incredible sense about me that I no longer give a shit. My life for the past five months: abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Once you get to that point, everything is gravy.

What, my house only cost $8,000 to fix and not $10,000?
What, my job is only cutting my salary by 5% and not 6%?
What, my husband only cheated on me with one person, not two?
What, my husband only molested his own child and not the neighbors?
What, I only have MS and not a tumor?

See. Abandon all hope and you can convince yourself that everything is OK.


Anonymous said...

Re your home repair expenses - now that your home is worth more than twice what you originally paid for it, why not either dip into the equity or sell & move to different digs? One level living with the roll in shower? Just sayin...

Debbie said...

Funny thing about equity...we dipped into the equity for a new roof and siding a few years ago. Equity levels are barely $1000.

As soon as the divorce is over and I have the title only in my name, I want to sell it. If only just to get out of the memories of this awful place.

And if I had my wish, I'd move somewhere far away. Oz perhaps???
It's important for the kids and I both to get away from STBX and any knowledge he might have of where to find us. Hopefully he will be incarcerated somewhere but none of us are interested in having him look us up in the future.

And yes, a one level house sounds very smart from my perspective.

Shelly said...

Having met a good number of neurologists and neuro-surgeons in Duluth, I can only say that I am truly, truly sorry that you have to have an appointment with any of them.

Be prepared for ALL of them to say, "well, you're just depressed" and send you on your way.

Debbie said...

I'm fully prepared to ask for a sterile 15 gauge needle and jam it completly through my foot in front of them to prove that I am as numb as a block of wood. I did that with a straight sewing pin a couple weeks ago to prove to myself that it was numb all the way through. I showed the doctor the hole and the bruise and she advised me not to try that again...hey, gotta make people listen to you somehow!

Anonymous said...

Selling and moving away may just be the thing to save your lives.

Stay and the aftertaste and memories will etch away the new times. Stay and the inevitable poverty and increasing dependency on the mediocre grade of "health care" you will be receiving from now until you are a cold spot in the room will further erode your integrity.

Leave and move to a place where there are people who love you always. Move to a place where you are treated with respect and dignity no matter what your bank account dictates.

The mountain of moving loaming in the near future will someday make for beautiful sunsets in the farther scheme of the future once it is behind you.

But don't ever stop writing!