Dark Night Of The Soul

It's 6:36 a.m and I'm so very tired.

I kept imagining what might be going on in STBX's mind. Today is his big day. His big coming out party at the courthouse.

I've gone through the options with my daughter. What will it mean if he pleads guilty. What will it mean if he pleads innocent. What would it be like to go to trial. What would happen to his life if he gets off with a slap on the wrist. How I have had to process my raw anger and hatred toward him and realize that I have no control in this matter.

I sincerely appreciate the county attorney in this case. He called me yesterday and talked me through some things. He then told us to meet him up in his office and we would all walk down to the courtroom together. It's really inexplicable but I almost started bawling when he said that. I've met with him a couple times and we've spoken on the phone a couple times and he let me know that he was our representative and all that jazz but to realize that we weren't going to have to walk into the courtroom alone was such a big deal. I'll have a couple friends with me and my daughter will have her PAVSA advocate, but we're just people with no voices right now. He is our voice.

We've also been moved to yet another judge. Third times the charm! There is nothing more helpless than looking up the case on the court calendar under the judge that you think you have and not finding it. As I've stated before, victims aren't given information. Cancel a court date? Sorry, can't be bothered to tell you. Change a judge not once, not twice, but three times? Yeah, hope you don't mind! And pushing your case back and delaying it by weeks because the judge is on personal leave? Sorry, justice is not only slow, but sometimes works in reverse.

I saw on the news last night that some guy threatened a judge at the courthouse yesterday as well as a few other people before he left to go home. Needless to say, the police brought him back rather quickly.

So, note to self...don't threaten anyone today.

No matter what happens, the rest of the day will be spent taking care of my daughter. We'll be going to the chiropractor after court and then I'm taking her to get a massage from one of my friends this evening. Aside from that, it will be prepping for our garage sale tomorrow.

And tomorrow after our sale? That's when I'm doing a little self care. That's when I'll be convincing my new guy friend that it is imperative that I see Star Trek again. And it is imperative that he comes with me. And then, perhaps, we will kill a few brain cells at a local drinking establishment with friends.

No matter what happens today, I want me some more Spock.