There are many choices available to me right now. That's how I've had to make it through today. I needed to remind myself of all the choices I have that can carry me through until June 26th and the sentencing.
I can sit in the corner, rocking autistically.
I can wear those boingy antenna things on my head and give a broad, scary smile to the world bearing a mouth full of skittles stuck in my teeth. Or Paxil. Or both.
I can dress up like Nurse Ratchet and report to the locked unit at Miller Dwan, demanding that it is most certainly my shift to work and they'd better let me in.
I can slip into the sweet, blissful daydream of a ton of unlubricated ass sex in STBX's future. By Bubba. And his friend Louie. And his friend Jim. And his friend Billy. And anyone else in the shower that day and every other day for as long as STBX's rectum holds out. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Bubba and his friends made a bad choice for their extracurricular activities...hmmm sucks to be you.
I can take my current name and the last name of my children and simply refuse to acknowledge it.
We could be "The Family That Shall Be Named".
I can just hear the baseball agent now "I'll take incarceration and divorce for a family to be named later...sound like a trade?"
I'll take that trade anyday.
I could also start using my first name only but then I would feel compelled to dress like Cher. As liberal as my workplace is, a five foot tall feather fountain coming off my head might be frowned upon.
I was at Whole Foods today buying a bottle of organic oxygen and as I went to sign my name on my check I literally stopped and considered just signing an "X" after my first name. Trust me, Moonbeam Sunflower and her ferocious man-eating dreads would be all over my story like hippies on hemp seeds.
But I sighed deeply and signed it. I obeyed "the man" and his freakin' strictures to my damn life and signed the label of bondage to that bad boy. (Jesus! I can't spend five minutes in that place without wanting to overthrow the IMF! I think they spritz Eu Du Revolution into the air every five minutes. I LOVE IT!!!!)
I did, however, sigh heavily as I signed my name and passed the check over.
"Long day?" She asked.
"Yup," I concurred. "You just can't imagine."