Monday Morning Angst

Does it sound ridiculous to feel wiped out by seeing your name on the court calendar again?

It's just a calendar. It's for a good thing. It's for the name change next Monday.

But there is still something exhausting about the whole process.

Especially when it lists your kids.

And of course, their "father".

I find myself getting physically upset when I see ads for father's day sales. I get annoyed when stories come on the radio about the importance of fatherhood. I guess this is the next stage in the process of grieving, getting past the horrible stuff and getting down to the nuts and bolts of shitty fatherhood. As much as I'd like to ignore father's day, I think I need to think of something creative to do. Something that would let the kids know that I understand their angst about what a crappy father they had but that from now on, we'll just try to move forward.

Heavens knows, I really can't handle another hallmark holiday that kicks me in the teeth every year like mother's day.

Perhaps I need to create my own holiday? How about a celebration of responsible, loving and non-offending parenthood? I could call it "Thanks for not being a horrifying jackass parent-Day". Or "Thanks for not hanging out with a pedophile and swinging your young daughter in front of him like jail-bait-Day" or perhaps "Thanks for not defending your pedophile brother. Just because he never asked YOUR child for oral sex, it's nice to know you realize he is not a stellar parent-Day"

Well, I might need a little work on the name.