It's amazing what a little forward momentum can do for mental health.
I had tried to tell myself, before the sentencing, that it was out of my control and all we could do was read our statements and accept whatever the verdict happened to be.
Yeah, that's what I TOLD myself. I don't know if I ever really accepted it or not.
But now, the whole divorce thing and name change is so much sound and fury, signifying nothing. If he thinks that his little grip on the last straw of our lives will throw us for a loop, he's sadly mistaken. It will not change where he is. It will not change the fact that the kids will change their names when they are 18 should they need to, it will not change the fact that, should he actually give a damn about his kids and their mental health, he wouldn't be doing this in the first place.
So we change our names in every respect but in the courts until the Gods of Law and Justice prevail. They are temporarily out back huffing gold paint. They will be returning soon, full of fumes and fury, and we will eventually prevail.
IN THE MEAN TIME, the stickiest of wickets has fallen as I went ahead and applied for college and will start taking online classes in January. The whole "holding up the divorce" thing was just frying my brain and I thought that being married still would screw everything up for financial aid.
Guess what? There was actually an option on the financial aid application for "Still married to an imprisoned pedophile who is being an utter dickhead but I will soon be leaving that loser in the dust".
Well, actually it just said "separated" but I kinda read my own life into that one word answer.
I spoke with the University that I hope to go to one day and they gave me great advice on taking classes elsewhere that are cheaper and online and totally transferable. After I take every single transferable class, I can then start looking into what classes I need to take on their campus. The guy was totally supportive of my nervousness at having been out of school for so long and told me that taking the transferable classes will let me get back into the swing of things at a cheaper rate and a bit of a gentler pace.
He then mentioned that I will need to take calculus and stats for the degree that I want.
I waited until I got off the phone to start laughing hysterically.
Thank God my son is Poindexter! He thought teaching me to program the DVD player was a pain in the ass, just wait till I ask him to be my math tutor!