The Perfect Man

I don't rest well.

Even when I feel like crap, I find myself lying down for awhile and then getting up to do "stuff".

And then lying back down again when the room gets a little too squiffy.

This morning was spent on the phone with the phone company. The last great bastion that I had yet to conquer. The account was still in STBX's name. Technically, I shouldn't have been able to make changes in it, although I did get our number changed when his bill collectors came a calling.

But to add services or change them, I had to get his "permission".

And although I told them exactly where they could find him, (and what part of my anatomy they could kiss in the mean time), the only way to change or close the account would be if I got an attorney involved.

Ummm. Yeah....about that? It'll be a cold day in hell when I'm getting a lawyer to do anything as trivial as this.

So instead of closing "his" account, I had to open my own account. With my new name, THANK YOU! They didn't seem to care that it wasn't "official" yet and putting it in my new name felt pretty damn good.

And the old account? With "his" name on it? Well, that will just keep getting billed to him...and when it doesn't get paid, it will just go to collections.

Moving things over to the new name has been my way of maintaining my sanity. I have never felt so "owned" by another individual as I have since he contested the name change and tried to get it taken out of the divorce. Until I can go forward legally, I'm investigating getting our social security numbers changed so that when we move, we will be able to really disappear.

Do you realize how many things your social security number is tied to? Everyday, it hits me anew. Shit! That means I have to do this... or that... or the other...

Taxes, college transcripts, medical information, social security payments which will kick in when I'm 70 and six days from death, banking, credit, mortgages, and two hundred and eleventy other things.

For some reason though, having something to DO while I wait for the next shoe to drop makes me feel a little less powerless.

And if nothing else, the kids will be able to legally change their names before he leaves prison.

My daughter did get me one thing while we were at Convergence that I will be putting in my office at work...















We refer to him as their "new daddy".

Let's face it, he's perfect! He can sing, he can dance, and I'll bet he can even cook!

And if he ever annoys me, I can just rip his fucking little head off and no one will have to suffer...