Thursday, August 20, 2009

Flaming Neural Pathways

Ever had one of those early evenings when you were alone and verrrrry tired and as hard as you tried, you just couldn't attain the absolute historic orgasm that PBS was trying to sell you?

Seriously, I love me some PBS. It is mainly what I watch on tv but I cannot wrap my head around this show. It appears to be an American version of a British show and last night they were digging up Jamestown and then they must have had a British episode and they were digging up the grounds of Buckingham Palace.

That's all well and fine but these folks are entirely too excited. Knowing a smidge about how many takes a director will do of a particular scene, I can't imagine keeping up that level of pre-coital energy over a frickin shard of pottery.

Maybe that's why I fell asleep.

Hey, they could advertise their show as curing insomnia! It could even be marketed on the evening news with Brian Williams as the only "natural" drug advertised in the 5,000 pharmaceutical ads that they manage to squeeze into a 30 minute broadcast.

Seriously, I'm waiting for someone to point out the obvious fact in this deteriorating healthcare debate that the evening news is sponsored by big pharma and watched by the very grannies that Rush Limbaugh says Barack is going to pull the plug on.


Where was I before this post spiraled right up my own ass?

Oh yeah! I was feeling suspiciously unwell...11.5 hours of sleep later and now I actually feel like a human being. Of course, that state is augmented by the eight cups of coffee I've consumed in the past 30 minutes. I don't know what I've got going on but swollen lymph nodes and a slight fever have me worried that if I go into the doctor's office, there will be a posse of elderly people with poisonous blow darts, ready to take me down.

For I am among the 40 million uninsured, grandma...unlike you I don't qualify for any governmental program simply because I've existed on this planet for many many decades.

Don't want government run health insurance? Oh ok! Let's take away all those health benefits that you've got already through Uncle Sam...

Oh my...I seem to be going there...The healthcare debate that I can't listen to for more than two minutes without wanting to pull out a dirty syringe and go on a poking rampage...Don't look me in the eye...I might feel cornered and spring on you when you least expect it.

Let's change this subject. It's getting fussy and I think its wet itself.

If there has been progress nowhere else in my life, two things are looking up: I know what I want to do interior decorating wise someday...when I have money...AND I received enough financial aid to start school in January.

The interior decorating is a BIG thing that I finally have a vision in my head. I believe I have stated this before but THAT part of my brain doesn't work. I love to go into other people's houses where they are all smart and classy and have their decorative shit together. I'm sort of like the boy that escapes the bubble...I go around touching things like walls and baseboards and being AMAZED at things like texture and color. Then I go home and my brain starts making those sparking sounds and my eyes cross and there is a distinct smell of burning wires.

And then I forget.

When I get back from vacation, I will start the final purging of S.H.I.T.

And then the painting will begin.

I have three years to pull it all together.


And once I get this place all happy and beautiful, I will leave it behind.

And start all over again.

Do you smell something burning????

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jezz you sound like me! I have a huge home (well huge for me!) 2400 square feet. I have been here over 5 years. I have one cat walk done! It took months and 300 dollars! I did my dining room a year later! I love it but I have the distinct feeling not many others do. Maybe it was my MIL comment that all dining rooms should be bright yellow (mind you it is not connected to the kitchen except through a narrow doorway). Or my Husbands comment :maybe you should have asked my Mom for advice. Hummm, makes me wonder how his shins are feeling??? He does sometimes have a limp. I changed out the cooktop in my kitchen from 2 burners to 5 (just because - well you know it makes cooking a wee bit easier) I chose black yet my fridge is white. Hubby asked if I was color blind. Then I changed the dishwasher out for one that actually works and has 3 (YES you read that right) 3 racks. Once again I chose black. Hubby is now at the point of hysterical begging I not go out looking at fridges. Poor boy, I told him to wipe down the appliances when his dirty little fingers smudged them, but, alas, he did not listen! Black is such a wonderful color! Don't you think? Best of luck at the house redo!
Tabatha (friend in Folsom)