Sunday, September 27, 2009

Again and Again

I have an appointment in late October to talk to a guidance counselor and sign up for my January classes. Right now I'm just consolidating my credits and getting my AA. It should take a couple semesters.

Then...I have a choice. Or should I say, many choices.

I've been going along with the assumption of getting a private sector job in a non human service profession. I'm tired of human services and being poor and working 60 hours a week and never having it be enough. I'm tired of feeling like the Dutch boy with his finger in the dam as I watch cracks form in a million different places. I'm tired of wearing my heart for the world to see and having it torn to shreds and calling it a job.

So, yeah. Having a job that involves inanimate widgets has its appeal.

But then there's my experiences over the past few months. And I realize that I am raw and the pain is so incredibly close to the surface that to make a decision at this exact point in life might not be smart but another part of me wants to do for others what was done for us. I want to be the person amidst the horrible experience that a victim can depend on. A person that can make the road a little less rocky.

If I were to go into criminology, I would be surrounded by criminals. If I were to go into the justice system, I would be surrounded by injustice. But if I were to go into child abuse victim advocacy I could be where I needed to be: standing behind and sometimes in front of those that need the most representation and assistance and so very often get it the least.

There is always a danger though. A danger in flying to close to the sun when your wings are held together by gossamer strands of wax. There is a danger of living in the pain everyday until one day, it swallows you. Pain is filled with hungry ghosts.

And you have to start all over again.

How many "agains" can one person have?


superiorfan said...

As some others have said, maybe you should also consider writing. Thats more then likely not a full time job but you never know. Could be a book in the future or as a columnist for either print or online publications. Move over Susan Estrich and Bill O'Reilly, Tina and her self propelled footstools have something to say.

Anonymous said...

My opinion from living many decades on this planet is that often, women are like Dorothy in Oz because that don't grasp the power of the ruby slippers they've been wearing all this time.

Women fail as entrepreneurs in part because they fail to charge what they (services, product) are worth. How many years of free services do women give to family just because the "love" obligates them to do so? There is no "father guilt" - it's all "mother guilt".

Academia will give one a better pedigree and every now and again someone will rise to the top. It gives one credibility, but doesn't teach common sense or street smarts. And, for many, it is a huge expense.

Human services professions can drain one's soul and there is little payback at the hands on level over time. In my humble opinion, one finds greater rewards in selectively volunteering time to help those who need extra help.

Writing appears to be your gift. I would suggest a major in the English languages with a minor in speech and communications for the four year degree. I would then recommend you pursue credits in teaching/education. For fun you could take a little theater and media presentation. And with that as a background, you can travel the world and write your own ticket. You would develop and refine your gift and it would return the favor by drawing the money to you.

Heck, you could then start your own non-profit!

But when you become a famous author/lecturer/movie star...don't forget us little people from your Debbie does Duluth Days! : (