Wednesday, September 09, 2009

E-Harmony - Now With Corgis!

Like all other sane pet owners, I often find myself orally writing my pet bios for their e-harmony pages. Hey, it keeps me out of the bars.

"My name is Kirby. 'Kirby Student Center' when I find myself in trouble with 'the powers that be'.
While not outwardly professing my beliefs among the family that I am currently associating with, I do see my role as one of infiltration and information gathering. I was far happier with the governmental structure BEFORE the last election IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I am fully able to support myself on the stipend of dog treats sent from the Cheney bunker twice a week and really, since the downfall of the last (great I might include here) administration, in all reality, my covert operations are done.

And yet, I persist. My accommodations are reasonably comfortable, the physical affection adequate, the walks frequent. I must also admit to a fascination with 'the other side'. These self professed granola crunching hippies and their many friends with, shall we say, less than desirable personal habits in the eyes of Jesus (same sex marriage for people who have been partnered for decades would ROCK the very foundations of what it means to be a heterosexual married person in this WORLD) never cease to amaze me.

While outwardly appearing to be happily partnered and raising, (yes, even I must admit this), while raising beautiful kids, IT IS NOT RIGHT BY JESUS.

As all right thinking people will agree, Jesus must be our personal savior and those who do not abide by this principal obviously do not remember what this country was founded upon.

The absolute unquestioning authority of the church to guide every last minutia of our lives.

Why, that's why our founding father's left England. To escape the intrusive nature of the church.

Why do these birkie wearing hippies NOT GET IT!

Anyway, I am interested in meeting young available lady Corgis who share my views, will stay in the dog house where they belong, and will work hard on getting my 25 prints of Sarah Palin framed and hung.

Unfortunately, do to the dangerous nature of my undercover work here, I was forced to sacrifice my balls. Yes, the hippies cut off my balls. A perfect metaphor for the present administration.

Unfortunately, we will not be able to pro-create. This means, we must redouble our efforts at converting the unwashed masses.

My name is Shigure, commonly called "Shuggie". I like bananas. I like ice cubes. I like things that sparkle.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I believe I peed a little. And I am so honored to feel like I made it into a blog! Even if its another homo raising kids that you are referring to....dont tell me! ;) I love you AND your dogs, even the Republican one. ;)