Holy great merciful crap!
I do believe this blog is magic. Not only did police get laid off after I mentioned that it would be a good idea, my horrible woman hating neighbor which I blogged about had an open house today because he is apparently moving. The realtor lawn sign that announced the open house is now gone. What can this mean???I must know!!! Or else I'll use even more punctuation!!!!...I tried pumping my husband for information on the type of lawn sign that was up while I was out but he is of no use. Was it a real realty sign? Or was it just announcing the open house? Could you slide the "open house" panel in the groove on top of the sign? Or was "open house" actually in the lettering on the sign? HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION? This is not the third law of thermodynamics! I don't ask for diamonds, rubies, sapphires, long expensive vacations, or even short and shitty vacations. I JUST WANT AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE REALTOR'S LAWN SIGN!!
Without the full description of the realtor's sign, it's absence has set up a few scenarios in my mind:
1. His house sold in the first hour of the open house to a fine upstanding citizen who, after speaking with my misogynist neighbor, thought he was also a fine upstanding citizen. My new neighbor will no doubt belong to the St. Louis County chapter of the Neo Nazi's and my cat will go missing within the first week. It will turn up inside out and upside down on a flaming cross on my lawn within the first month.
2. His house sold in the first hour of the open house to a group of evangilizing Mormon boys who have been working on converting the heathens in Macau for the past three years. I will be treated to their freshly scrubbed faces and dairy fed fat asses on a weekly basis when they show up on my front porch with their bibles in hand every Saturday morning at 5 a.m. My cat will go missing within the first week. It will turn up inside out and upside down on a flaming cross on their lawn within the first month.
3. He was just dicking with us and his house is not for sale. He gets turned on by crushing the soul of any woman he comes across.
4. He took the sign down when the realtor went missing. He is currently collecting female realtors in his basement. He is using them to make himself a 21st Century Realtor's Gold Coat.
Frankly, my bet would be #3.
And in regards to blogworthy subjects coming to fruition after I post them? Let me tell you about this lottery ticket I bought the other day... and this great job that I interviewed for...