Monday, November 10, 2008

The MN Atheists vs. The Salvation Army in the Battle For My Soul

At times, when sorting through my mail, I have to laugh at the mailing lists I've somehow gotten on. Having been a paramedic twelve years ago, I still get all the catalogs even though I've told them that I've gone out of the "plug that gushing hole" business.

I also get my fair share of gardening catalogs as well as all that "Mother Earth" hoo-ha that I gobble up. YES! I want to live off the grid! YES! I want to build my own chicken coop! YES! I want to build my own solar panels! I live a completly full and rich life in my head where I am happily working my ass off on a sheep ranch in the middle of nowhere, making my own cheese, churning my own butter, making my own soap, and tending my bee hives. Then I look at my neighborhood in Lakeside, gazing whistfully across the five backyards that my dog is running through, pooping every six feet, and tearing through flower beds and across decks. Yes, life in my head is BEAUTIFUL!

Of course I'm on all the bee-lists. (Which is a tree huggers way of saying that you're not quite special enough). I spend many evenings comparing smokers and bee suits and pollen cakes. While many a crazy person hears voices in their head, I just have a low level buzzing in my ears.

Lately I've really gotten into learning the whys and wherefores of cooking. I've never been a horrible cook but I have been mundane and pedestrian...wow, I've been reading a few too many resteraunt reviews. Anyway, I am now on the cooking lists and can pour over catalogs with gadgets and books and I can kvetch at the size of my kitchen which feels cramped when there is a dirty plate and a coffee cup on the counter. Since my recent interest in cooking, I've purchased exactly one gadget, a lemon/lime juicer. Since my screwed up hands don't grip so well, this big garlic press looking thing is not a luxury, it is a necessity. A NECESSITY GOD DAMNIT!!!

Speaking of the damnation of God, perhaps my favorite two mailing lists that I find myself on are the Salvation Army and the MN Atheists. I received mailings from both of them yesterday and I just stood there laughing. I have no idea how I got on the Salvation Army list as I find aspects of their organization to be completly repugnant. Yes, they do a lot of good. They also have the choice to discriminate against anyone that doesn't live up to their standards of godliness. They also have the right to fire any employee that they find does not, shall we say, meet their biblical interpretation of morality. The whole George Bush idea of supporting organizations like this with our tax dollars means that we are supporting organizations that, by their religious nature, do not have to adhere to the normal rules of employment law. If they discover that you're gay, they don't have to get all creative and figure out some obscure reason to fire you. They can fire you because you're gay. Yeah. I believe we must ask ourselves, "Who would Jesus shitcan?"

I'm also a bystander in the MN Atheists organization although I remember exactly how I got on their mailing list. I was at Pride and they had a table there and I absolutely fell in love with a six foot drag queen that was working their table. I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic, and I'm certainly not a subscriber to any true and sincere religion but I am a sucker for a dude in a short, short skirt.

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

i found you after the reading the tribune online yesterday. i wanted to go back before hell found you. you are an amazingly witty woman. i loved erma bombeck when she was wih us, she had nothing on you. you need to be writing and publishing these vignettes. I remember a comment reputedly told to erma by a woman in prison who said "if i could have seen the humor in my life, i never would have gotten here." you have that kind of inspiration.