Within the past few weeks, I started actually paying attention to my Facebook account. I set it up before all this crap started and believe it or not, on the day when I found out the whole truth, I came home that evening to find that an old boyfriend had tracked me down on Facebook and wanted to be my friend.
IGNORE! BLOCK! RUN SCREAMING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!
Since that time, I've had a lot of contacts with old friends from high school. It always starts out with their question "So, what's new in your life?"
How do you approach that?
How, after not seeing someone for 22 years, do you immediately lay all the shit of your past two months at their feet and then say, "So, hows about you?"
No matter what, they will never believe that you haven't spent the past 22 years in and out of rehab, incarcerated for writing bad checks, sleeping in gutters, and making meth in your lovely claw foot bathtub. When you find yourself in the midst of a nightmare, inviting outsiders in can be less than easy.
I've just told people to come to this here blog and if they really want to know what's going on in my life, pop some popcorn and start in Mid-December. Maybe crack a beer and put your feet up. Might as well get comfy.
Right after it all hit the fan, I was quite insistant in letting mutual business acquaintences know why I was leaving my husband. Our car insurance representative got a little more than he bargined for when I told him why we were splitting the insurance up. The common reaction to initially finding out we are getting divorced is "Oh, sorry to hear it!" To which I've taken to replying "I'm not. I found out I was married to a pedophile. He admitted to me that he molested our daughter. Kinda makes getting a divorce a relief..." Yeah, I've gotten used to the jaw on the floor reaction. Our mutual tax preparer? Yeah, we had a half hour counseling session before we even broached the subject of taxes. Our old neighbor that fixes our copier at work? Completly incredulous. The phone calls I get for STBX at home from people trying to find him get my standard "He doesn't live here anymore and he's been charged with being a pedophile after molesting his daughter. Do you STILL want his cell phone number?" So far, no one has pursued it any further.
I'm so tired of him hiding like the cockroach that he is. The light of publicity and knowledge is not something he wants and it's something he so desperately deserves.
I refuse to hide from this. I refuse to act like we have done something wrong. I refuse to play into his face saving game.
At least when he talks to the insurance office, they'll get off the phone with him and perhaps have the desire to go wash their hands.
I swear, if they don't read the charges out loud in court on March 9th, I will personally stand up and shout them.
But until then, I will try to smile when I hear from old friends. I will try to take in their question of "So, what's up with you?" and not wince. I'll stand in front of the mirror and practice my lines: