Tuesday, April 14, 2009

It Doesn't Help To Be Filled With All This Venom

A lifetime of bladder issues combined with a lifetime of antibiotics was bound to converge on this exact point in space and time.

(Watched the new Doctor Who last night...gotta frame everything in both space AND time.)

I'm stuck in the no man's land of an intractable bladder infection with allergies to twelve different antibiotics and antibiotic resistance up the wazoo. (Yes, that is indeed where your wazoo is.) Years ago I was down to two different antibiotics that I could safely take. Then one of them stopped working.

So, I've been clinging like grim death to my last lifeline. For the longest time, I didn't have infections. We're talking years and years. Now, over the past 6 months, I've gotten an infection every 6 weeks like clockwork.

Hmmmm. Kinda makes you think it's not going away, doesn't it?

I have no idea why I'm suddenly getting infections. The only thing I've changed body-wise is my weight. And my crappy diet.

Do McDonald's Egg McMuffins actually fight bladder infections? I'm willing to take one for the team if that's the case.

Lay all this wonderfulness on top of not having health insurance.

And having no money.

It's amusing to see the look on the doctor's faces when they hear some of my troubleshooting ideas. I'm quickly approaching the point of IV antibiotics which means that they want to put me in the hospital. My cost saving measure? Throw a port in my arm and give me the damn meds to take home and administer to myself. I've worked as a paramedic, I've given myself injections for migraines, and I've got more pain in my wallet right now than I'll EVER have in my body.

They were less than thrilled with that solution. They countered with trying an antibiotic that is close enough to penicillin that I might have a reaction. Since I sort of swell up and stop breathing with penicillin, they wanted me to come into the ER and lay my little self next to a crash cart before they would give it to me. My cost saving measure? Call the prescription into Walgreens and I'll bring it into the ER waiting room myself. I will sit myself amidst the horrible daytime television and the screaming babies and I will take the pill and I will wait a couple of hours and see if I feel like dying.

What I didn't mention with that last plan is that I took penicillin every single day for eight years before I reacted. Yeah, those are just minor details.

I'm on my second run of antibiotics, actually, I just finished my second run. I've been barfy and achy and totally icky for the last week because the med Gods hate me. Then, this morning I woke at 2 a.m and felt like certain parts of my anatomy were insistent upon exiting my body through the nearest orifice.

Back to square one. I HATE SQUARE ONE!

Perhaps the sweetest thing was that my new guy friend (Do I call him NGF? It sure beats STBX) brought over some cranberry juice to make me feel better. Unfortunately, I can't drink it because the acidity SCREWS WITH MY BLADDER.

Yeah, I feel it's always best to let them know you are high maintenance. Break any illusions that a friendship with you will be a walk in the park.

But the thought was much appreciated.

So, here I sit, waiting to hear from the docs. If need be, I'm willing to do the home cure thing and take a steak knife, remove my bladder, and replace it with a ziplock bag and a bendy straw.

I'm guessing that they won't go for that either.


Bad Cat! said...

Not that you've really gone into the details of your relationship with NGF, but bladder infections commonly show up at the same time as new "physical" relationships (wink, wink, nod, nod).
It's always fun explaining to the new bf why you're drinking gallons of water & cranberry juice and peeing every five minutes...

Debbie said...

Yeah, but unfortunately I've been having this problem for months before I met him. Perhaps I'm actually psychic? I knew I would meet him?

The whole connection between bladder infections and sex is just God's puritanical way of letting you know that you're having TOO MUCH FUN!