Monday, April 27, 2009

Piss On This

I am working on a new motto for the uninsured people in this country:

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll figure it out during your autopsy."

Three years ago I had a bladder biopsy. Even though I continued to have issues, I didn't go back to the urologist because he WAS A DICK!

There ain't no pretty way to dress up that SOB.

I did try another urologist at another clinic. After I called them in intense pain and they didn't return my call, I called back three days later and they sort of shrugged and said "Waaaahhh?"

Didn't go back there either.

I come from this place known as CIVILIZATION. Imagine if you will, a cityscape where there are many different urologists. Where you are able to get in and you are treated like a human being and you feel better when you're done.


So I went back to HE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED, cuz my recurrent bladder infections are so, how shall I say, recurrent.

I'm allergic to eleventy million drugs because back in that charming cityscape I referred to earlier, the prevailing wisdom was to surgically reroute a kid's plumbing and then put them on antibiotics forEVEH! Funnily enough, it makes you REALLY SENSITIVE to a lot of drugs. Now, they need to figure out why I can't get rid of infections.

Hmmm. After I waited an hour for the doc and was treated like shit again, I got the answer I figured I'd get.

"Waaaaaahhh? Don't have a clue, but here, have some antibiotics for the next six months."

Yeah, about that. When you get to where I'm at, those antibiotics run $500 a month.

Now it's my turn to say "Waaaaaaaaah?"

He also found the fact that I piss blood to be a problem. What the hell! I should have told him that it wasn't a big deal, I drink blood too.

Actually, it all revolves around what I eat. If I eat certain things, my bladder bunches up in a ball and tries to crawl out of my left nostril. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

So I told him to cancel that kidney CT scan. "If it's cancer," I told him "I'm sure you'll find it on my autopsy."

He didn't find me humorous at all.

Frankly, I found the fact that every single large anatomical chart in his office displayed only the male genitourinary tract to be annoying. Combine that with all of the erectile dysfunction and prostate information everywhere and I wanted to drop my pants and let my cooter hang out just to prove that not everyone had a swinging dick.

Maybe he's such a dick because that's all he's surrounded by.


Rebecca Hartong said...

Are ALL urologists jerks? Or just the ones in Duluth?

Remarkably (or, maybe not), I had an especially unpleasant experience with a urologist in Duluth of my own -- about 30 years ago.

I was in a lot of pain and was pissing blood and seeing as how I was young and poor, it took a call from one of the doctor's at Planned Parenthood (where I was a volunteer) to get this urologist to even consent to seeing me.

Now, I'm as aware as the next person that ONE of the ways a woman can find herself with an acute bladder infection is by engaging Lots of enthusiastic sex. And, in fact, that was probably a major factor in my situation. I had a relatively new man friend in my life and, well... it was spring time, right?

This dick-head, though, treated me like I was a 2-dollar whore. From the moment he entered the examining room, he made it VERY clear that he didn't really want to be treating me. He actually SNEERED while asking me, "And how do YOU think you got this bladder infection?" I didn't answer.


I don't even like to recall the way he JAMMED the catheter in to collect a urine sample.

The whole thing was humiliating and awful and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Not even 2-dollar whores -- which I was not.

So. Yeah. I get it. I wish I had some great advice for you on how to hook up with a better class of human being (who also happens to practice medicine) but I'm clueless.

Good luck to you and get well soon.

Debbie said...

Oh God!
I just remembered when I was working in an Urgent Care setting and there was a young gal that kept coming in with every form of crotch rot under the sun, from bladder infections to chlamydia and crabs.

One time, she came in with another infection and she pulls out a piece of paper with questions on it for the doctor. The doc working that day was SUPER shy and VERY PROPER. I believe I would call him socially awkward as well. He was a great guy to work with but damn! For being a doctor, he would blush at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, this gal brings out her list and starts asking me the questions first...

Can I be getting these infections from sharing sex toys with a lot of people...all at the same time?

Can I be getting these infections from using the back door with multiple partners all at the same time?

I think there were a couple more questions after that but I must admit, by the second question my lower jaw was no doubt on the floor.

"I think these are good questions to ask the doctor," I managed to tell her.

I waited RIGHT outside the door because I just had to get the first glimpse of his face when he walked outside the room.

He came out and looked at me like "what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you waiting there?"

"Well?" I asked him.

He looked puzzled.

"Did she ask you about the toys?"

He looked even more puzzled.

"How about the hot back door action and something like 37 dicks?"

He turned a gastly shade of pale and managed, in a very forced proper tone of voice to ask "I beg your pardon?"

"Man," I shook my head. "We were just chatting up the merits of anal sex, multiple partners, sex toys, and seething orgies. You mean she didn't ask if any of that can cause infections?"

He gave me a look that told me I was about two words away from getting busted for perversion.

Yeah, if I were her, I would have chickened out too.

Rebecca Hartong said...

Heh... the sad part is, she probably never got the answers to her questions and god only knows how many people she went on to infect. Ignorance is a bad thing.