Piss On This

I am working on a new motto for the uninsured people in this country:

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll figure it out during your autopsy."

Three years ago I had a bladder biopsy. Even though I continued to have issues, I didn't go back to the urologist because he WAS A DICK!

There ain't no pretty way to dress up that SOB.

I did try another urologist at another clinic. After I called them in intense pain and they didn't return my call, I called back three days later and they sort of shrugged and said "Waaaahhh?"

Didn't go back there either.

I come from this place known as CIVILIZATION. Imagine if you will, a cityscape where there are many different urologists. Where you are able to get in and you are treated like a human being and you feel better when you're done.

Now, WAKE THE FUCK UP! THIS IS DULUTH, BITCH!

So I went back to HE THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED, cuz my recurrent bladder infections are so, how shall I say, recurrent.

I'm allergic to eleventy million drugs because back in that charming cityscape I referred to earlier, the prevailing wisdom was to surgically reroute a kid's plumbing and then put them on antibiotics forEVEH! Funnily enough, it makes you REALLY SENSITIVE to a lot of drugs. Now, they need to figure out why I can't get rid of infections.

Hmmm. After I waited an hour for the doc and was treated like shit again, I got the answer I figured I'd get.

"Waaaaaahhh? Don't have a clue, but here, have some antibiotics for the next six months."

Yeah, about that. When you get to where I'm at, those antibiotics run $500 a month.

Now it's my turn to say "Waaaaaaaaah?"

He also found the fact that I piss blood to be a problem. What the hell! I should have told him that it wasn't a big deal, I drink blood too.

Actually, it all revolves around what I eat. If I eat certain things, my bladder bunches up in a ball and tries to crawl out of my left nostril. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

So I told him to cancel that kidney CT scan. "If it's cancer," I told him "I'm sure you'll find it on my autopsy."

He didn't find me humorous at all.

Frankly, I found the fact that every single large anatomical chart in his office displayed only the male genitourinary tract to be annoying. Combine that with all of the erectile dysfunction and prostate information everywhere and I wanted to drop my pants and let my cooter hang out just to prove that not everyone had a swinging dick.

Maybe he's such a dick because that's all he's surrounded by.