Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Bill Collector Always Rings Twice

I'm not quite sure if it's a good thing for your life to implode at a time when everyone else around you is having similar problems brought on by job loss or home loss or whatever. When no one around you can empathize, you're feeling quite alone but when everyone around you tells you that they understand, framing all of your issues as merely financial, it's a little crazy making.

Having STBX's creditors call here is not just annoying and inconvenient. Just getting junk mail for him is traumatic. Seeing his name written on the papers that were served to him regarding the name change was traumatic. Knowing that he still gets up every morning, looks in the mirror, and chooses not to shoot himself in the head is traumatic.

I'm a big girl. I can pull up my big girl panties and deal with it. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who answers the phone in this house. What is traumatic for me is heart wrenching to see imposed upon my kids. Telling them not to answer the phone is just another step in the abnormal normal that is now their life. Along with the anxiety and bad dreams and sleeplessness that their father has created, they now get to deal with the fact that he is sacrificing them once again. He would rather hide from his creditors and let his family take the fall as opposed to pulling up his big boy pants and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Some things never change.


Anonymous said...

1. Submit a change of address form for the STBX via the USPS. If mail is delivered to your home with his name on it, do not open, but write "not at this address, return to sender" on the envelope and drop in return box.

2. Change your phone number or d/c the phone. Hoping you have a cell phone. If creditors call you at work, they can be reported.

3. Caller ID? Where do I send my donations to help you connect?

Yeah, it's hard in a gut-wrenching, twisted, really sick and impossible to ignore kind of way and even if others empathize or sympathize or otherwise try to comfort you - it is impossible for anyone to walk this path for you. It sucks, but it's real and that's life.

So aren't you glad that you aren't one of those women who chose to remain enveloped in ignorance and perhaps a chronic Valium and alcohol induced haze while the husband lives his dual lifestyle of perversion and in name only duty. Until one day, maybe, as you and the husband were sitting in your matching Lane recliners celebrating your 84th birthday with candles and Hostess cupcakes on your TV trays, you suddenly see him for what he is and what your life has stood for, which has been little more than acting as a blind for his perverted life. But at 84 you can no longer get up and walk away, your kids are long grown and gone away, and you have probably forgotten where the bullets are stashed for the gun in your bottom dresser drawer. So then all you could do would be to pop more Valium and blow out the candle on your cupcake. Another day in the wind.

Shelly said...

You may have to change the phone number--always a pain in the ass, and I know because I have to, also. But at least that way, for a little while, only the people you WANT to call will call.

Bad Cat! said...

You may want to consider getting an answering machine and putting a message on it stating STBX does not live there anymore, only calls for you and your kids will be accepted, this should be considered notice to any creditors and they should not contact you regarding STBX's accounts any more. Set the machine to go off after one ring and check the machine to hear phone calls from friends and family only. :)