Thursday, May 14, 2009

But Does The Billing Office Have A Holding Barn?

I would like to propose a new/old system for paying medical bills.

It would involve completely revamping EVERYTHING but since Barack is going to be working on it anyway, I think we should start now.

Have you ever heard your parents or grandparents talk about the old days when the town doctor would always be there for everyone and it didn't matter if they could pay or not? That he would take eggs or milk or butter or homemade canned goodies as payment? "Did you know that your Uncle Frank was delivered for the cost of a winter's supply of firewood?"

Well, for the folks who have insurance, they can continue on as before. For the poor schmucks who don't, I recommend getting a little shed for chickens out back of your house or setting up an area in your home where you can churn butter and can tomatoes. If you already have these, consider yourself lucky. You are financially set to deal with any catastrophic illness.

Instead of a big HMO deciding how much they will pay for different procedures or labs, I propose to convene a "Blue Ribbon Panel" of experts that have actually won blue ribbons, blue ribbons at the state fair that is. If you have won a blue ribbon for the best jelly, the best butter, the best chickens, the best cows, the best pies, the best sheep, and of course, the best sewing and knitting, you will be invited to determine the equivalent payment for medical procedures.

Strep test? Not more than three roaster chickens and a pie. Mammogram? What else? A three month supply of milk! (Cow milk that is, let's not get disgusting!), MRI? How about two pigs and a year long supply of bread and pies.

I am going to take it upon myself to institute this system today. Any radical change in how we live takes people willing to push the boundaries, test the waters, and potentially rock a few boats.

Office call at a neurologist? Four chickens a goat and six pints of prize winning strawberry jam.

I'm loading up my car right now.

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