Thursday, May 28, 2009

First Anniversary

365 days.

That is how long it has been since I decided to change my life through diet and exercise.

Who knew it would also consist of divorce and incarceration as well.

As I look back at the post on May 30th, 2008, all I can think of is WHO THE HELL IS THAT PERSON???

Well, not completely, it's just that whole hind sight thing. If I must be totally honest with myself, our trip to Toronto was a big eye opener on the marriage front as well. When you go on a family vacation and your husband chooses to stay in the hotel room for 99% of the time while you go out and explore the city with the kids, there is something wrong. The ONLY time we went out as a couple was when I took him to a pub that I had found online because he liked good beer and I thought he would enjoy it.

He did go out once on his own. Without any kind of a map of the city or subway and when he came back, all he did was bitch to the heavens about "this damn city!" being hard to navigate. "Did you take the subway map?" I asked. "No!" He answered as if this were THE DUMBEST QUESTION EVAH!

Getting a divorce "someday" was definitely on my agenda after that family trip. I wanted to do it in a controlled manner. I wanted to get myself prepared.

Yeah. That part? Didn't work out so well.

But, as I sit here this morning, I have to give myself credit for the past year. It's not something I do easily or well.

I lost 95 pounds of personal fat and 240 pounds of extraneous fat.

I'm physically and emotionally stronger than I've ever been.

I'm learning how to relate to members of the opposite sex in a healthy way.

I'm owning what I have done wrong.

I'm realizing what was out of my control.

I've learned, time and time again, that I have an astonishing and beautiful circle of friends. I hope I can be there for them if they need me. And I hope that they never have to go through something like this.

I've learned to accept people's kindness after years of not realizing that I never received it at home.

I have tattoos. And I like it!

I've learned to gut check myself. I've learned that the easy way out is never easy in the end.

I've learned that, even though I don't fall apart often, knowing that my friends won't be freaked out when I do, is invaluable.

I've learned that no one else in the universe can take care of me as well as I can. Bubble baths are not frivolous. They are one way of telling the world "For the next half hour, the only person that matters is me."

And then I drain the tub and get on with life.


Rebecca Hartong said...

It was fun re-reading your post from back in May 2008. You certainly have come a long way since then! A lot of the journey was terrible but now you're finally coming out of the dark forest and into the beautiful sunlit meadow. (Sorry... it's a lovely morning here and I'm feeling all poetical.)

I should tell you that your record of your own weight loss inspired me to lose weight too. I began with the online calorie counter you recommended, but eventually moved over to a similarly functional service at "". This was back at the beginning of February. So far, I've lost 28 pounds. Yay! Thank you for having inspired me.

Re-reading your May 2008 post with its mention of Fat Americans, I'd be interested in your take on the "fat acceptance movement". I posted a few ideas about fat in some recent entries on my own blog and got a couple somewhat angry comments. An awful lot of people really seem to believe they can't lose weight by eating healthier foods in smaller portions and exercising more. I see it as a sort of victim mentality. ("I'm a victim of my fat! Accommodate me!") Are you and I really SO exceptional that "simply" paying attention to what we eat and getting out for more exercise have worked for us?

Shelly said...

Wow, your bubble baths are only a half hour? Mine go on and on...I drain and refill the tub a couple of times. Sometimes, I take a little nap in there...

HAPPY Anniversary--getting better every day!

Debbie said...

You have totally hit the nail on the head. This is something that makes me cranky and when you voice your opinions, people smack you down.

Yes, there are medical conditions and medications that make you gain weight. There are also different genetic factors that make some racial groups more prone to gaining and holding onto their weight.

HOWEVER, the vast majority of human beings on this planet that want to lose weight CAN. We have such a quick fix mentality in this country and are such lemmings that we just follow any diet plan or book or even exercise routine that looks quick and shiny.

Learn about nutrition from reputable sources. Eat balanced meals. Eat a set amount of calories. Find SOME sort of physical exercise that works for you. Do the math. Have patience. Realize that you are doing it for yourself.

And someday? You'll take a taste of cake or candy and you'll say to yourself, "Is this worth the calories? Does it taste good enough to spend an hour on the glider?"

That's when you know that you've arrived.

And the thing is, you don't have to cut out all fun things. I've learned to take a couple bites of cheese pizza or one piece of chocolate and then walk away.

And if I want to go out for a night on the town, I eat very lightly that day. This not only lets me drink those 600 calorie margaritas but they have a tendency to drop me like a ton of bricks so I don't have to have more than one!

Anonymous said...

And I love you too! ;) And, yes...its ok to tell me you "wanna do it" and I wont call 911 promise. I love having friends like that. You rock the hizzouse too lil lady!