Monday, May 25, 2009

Please Sir, Can You Be A Little More Obnoxious?

Every now and then, a single individual comes along to put a shiny sharp point on the fact that there are a frightening amount of people in this world that need to be beaten with a sack of doorknobs.

As I stated earlier, having the criminal hearing and our garage sale back to back was a little bit overwhelming. After our morning in court on Friday, the rest of the day was spent prepping for the garage sale. I woke up at 3 am and went to bed at 11:30 pm. It was a long day.

I had put the ad in the paper for Friday and Saturday and as I was in the garage on Friday, some old guy pulls up in his truck. He has "dealer" written all over him but frankly, at that point, if someone had pulled up and asked to brew a batch of Meth in my bathtub, I probably would have just mumbled "bathroom's up the stairs and on the right."

"I know your sale is tomorrow but do you mind if I look right now? I just got paid and I have cash."

Keep in mind, less than two hours ago, I had listened to a painful description of exactly what my husband was pleading guilty to. I had a posse of people holding me up as I bawled my damn eyes out in the frickin' courthouse hallway. FYI: I don't cry in public (except for the grocery store. Organic produce makes me VERY EMOTIONAL).

So, the strange man who will now be called "God Damn Prick" (GDP for short, of course), starts rummaging around my sale after I looked up at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "I guess..." I faltered.

"So, you don't have this marked, what do you want for it?" He asked this at least three times.

"These sales really take a lot of work. You look really tired."

"Here, I owe you three dollars but I'm giving you five dollars, you look like you could use a good meal."

He needed to come back and pick up some lumber (from the dining room remodel) today. I told him to come back after 4 pm. He came at 1.

I went to open the garage door and he told me to stop because "that's not a woman's job"

"You look a lot different today. You're not wearing a sweater like you were last time." (I was wearing a tank top today.)

He then handed me two dollars for the glass blocks in my front yard. I was completely confused by this but I had some bricks for sale and thought that was what he was referring to.

Since I was making homemade pudding, I had to get back to the stove. I let him load up on the lumber.

Next thing I know, he was opening my garbage bags (which are the big contractor bags) and looking through my trash.

Then he wandered to the front yard and was walking through my flower garden which covers my front lawn. My daughter came and told me that there was a freak in the garden so I went outside.

"Where are your glass blocks? I came back for your glass blocks."

I told him I didn't have any glass blocks. I never had glass blocks. I thought he was talking about bricks.

Come to find out, there apparently was a house somewhere in my neighborhood with glass blocks in the garden. I gave him his two dollars back and said "Well, I guess you have what you need now."

He then proceeded to ask me what garden fixtures I wanted to sell.

"Yeah, you need to leave now." I waved him off to his truck and then stood there with my arms crossed.

I don't suppose it's a woman's job to rip off a strange man's scrotum and shove it down his throat either but I've always been a bit of a trailblazer.

1 comment:

Shelly said...

I would have had the cops on the phone about the time he started rummaging through the trash.

Either that, or I would have helped him load the bags onto his truck so i didn't have to haul them anywhere myself.

Ick. What an Icky person...