Friday, June 12, 2009

Why Yes, I Am A Super Hero

I never realized it was possible to cry yourself asleep and cry yourself awake!

Wow, I think I will wrap this shit in shiny paper and call it my newest super power!

I will admit, I've been spending a lot of time numbing my mind over on Pajiba and their recent post on crappiest super powers made me laugh when I was considering stepping in front of a bus a mere fifteen minutes earlier.

Combining my love for all things geeky with my struggles to get through the day these last few days have allowed me to come up with my own fantasy world of being a super hero, except reality keeps rearing its ugly head.

My Super Powers: By Debbie

I have the power to attract schizophrenics at Super One with the power of telepathy. They see me as their leader. They might be right.

I have the power to unconsciously turn down every single street that is closed off due to construction.

I have the annoying ability to cause the lift bridge to go up, but only when I'm on the wrong side of it.

I have the power to be pulled over for drunk driving, except that I'm sober...Sorry officer, not drunk, just stupid...

I have the power to clean up a pile of dog vomit with one hand and dog diarrhea with the other hand. Best not to ask for details.

I have the power to be personally in the same situation as the aforementioned dog and realize that we really should stop sharing rawhide toys.

I have the power to buy milk and have it go sour before I get to my car.

I have the power to alienate my neighbors on a daily basis.

I have the power of insomnia which allows me to stay awake for days. Yes, you do start to hallucinate after 36 hours.

I have the power to warm my nethers up quite nicely with the application of hot coffee to the crotch of my work pants while driving at 55 miles an hour.

Sorry again officer...

I have the power of micro-memory which allows me to ask my kids the same exact question four times in an hour and every time, be surprised by their answer.

I have the power to purchase a gumball and bite down really hard on it, only to discover that its a jawbreaker. Wanna know why they're called jawbreakers?

I have the power to blog so long in the morning that I am late for work! tell me YOUR super powers!


Anonymous said...

Just wondering if you knew of this Duluth Harkness? (see DNT) Perfect timing in that he is stepping down and you are adopting same name. Maybe? : )

Paul Harkness leaving Duluth radio stations

Duluth listeners will say goodbye today to longtime Christian radio personality Paul Harkness, who is leaving KDNW-FM 97.3 and KDNI-FM 90.5 after 26 years as station

By: Sarah Rosten, Duluth News Tribune

Rebecca Hartong said...

I have the power to attract small children to me. For some reason they simply adore me! The problem is that I don't especially like small children. If I ever decide to build a house in the middle of a deep woods, a house made entirely of candy, my power to attract small children is going to come in VERY handy.

Bad Cat! said...

Debbie said...

VERY FUNNY! We are naming ourselves after Jack Harkness, the immortal Time Agent who is incredibly sexy and as GAY as the day is long!

Needless to say, I've never heard of Paul Harkness but let me step into the breach and be the Duluth Harkness who represents the heathens!

Maurey said...

I have the power to ALWAYS be the person who plops mustard on their white shirt ... right before a meeting.

Trotting Out the Pigs of Australia said...

I have the power to see that you are a kindred spirit and we have lots in common.

I'm loving your blog and feeling your pain, and your sense of humour shines through.
We could get together and eat chocolate and think of a million different swear words to call your ex. That would be fun.

email me if you want